It was nice to get hugs and see the puppy, adore that little girl! Today, I was having a sad moment and a tear or two snuck out of my eyes, and somehow she knew, and started trying to lick my face! It was so crazy because she sat on my chest and even though I blocked her access to my face with my arm, she kept leaning against it, ready to lick if given the chance...and when I let up, she didn't go for my nose or mouth as usual (yeck, so not down with that, but she's a sneaky one) she went for my cheek right under my eyes and licked the tears right up...I don't know how she knew; it's not like I was sobbing.... Animals are such little blessings. I've been so missing my kitty these last weeks when I've been alone stuck in bed. If I got really desperate and couldn't take it anymore, allergies be damned, I'd pick her up and let her lie on my chest & purr, pet her & hug her. She used to love lying down in the crook of my arm, falling asleep, arching her back against me just like a person, amazing how a being we can barely even communicate with can be so comforting. How amazing it would be to get inside their heads and see how they experience life.
So I for some reason ended up taking Mom with me to my appointment. I dunno, maybe because I was half asleep, or maybe I thought it would help her understand me, or write that darn letter she's putting off for my disability appeal, or be reassured that I'm not a pill junkie and I don't happily take scrips to add to my already annoyingly long list. I think it helped a bit, although I think partly due to her interjection and my foggy brain, when asked what I usually had for breakfast all I could think of was protein & yogurt, lol! This after I've been eating mini quiches for breakfast for most of last week, hoping the protein & fat would agree with my metabolism better than carbs. My doctor ended up suggesting I have oatmeal, and I somehow didn't manage to articulate that that was one of my breakfast staples for so long I'm can hardly stand the thought of it, haha. (W/Cinnamon, butter or coconut oil, and Stevia or Brown Sugar.) No, maybe now that it's going to get cold (I think? You never know these days, with heatwaves in mid-October) I'll begin to find it appetizing again. I've actually been craving Malt-o-Meal.
The truth is, my meals, like the rest of my life, are a hot mess. A month ago it was protein shakes or yogurt with protein & hemp seeds & goji berries, a couple of weeks ago I was practically on a liquid diet, and last week was quiche. Lately it's been yogurt by itself, or cereal (Ugh, a splurge. TJ's version of Cheerios with Coconut Milk tastes like the non-marshmallow bits in Lucky Charms, yum! Plus doesn't mess with my stomach too badly.)
So anyways, the appointment went well. So out of it I kept forgetting I was there to pick up my disability form, too. Doc did take me off the anti-viral due to the anemia, but said I could cut back and taper when I told him I do get worse when I don't take it. Very scary for me. The prospect of being stuck in bed sick alone again, with how filthy this place is already definitely worries me, but must live in the present.
The appointment bummed me out for the day though. I didn't sleep well at all at Mom's due to my neck issues, forgetting meds, & bad pillows, so I guess I didn't have my armor up yet. My doctor is great, I always feel grateful for the validation he gives my illnesses, it's always a relief not to have a doctor/medical professional look at me warily or skeptically, but at the same time I feel SO angry that "the man" doesn't seem to give a damn about all the suffering we are enduring, and doesn't help people like my doctor or myself find a way to fix things and make us well again. Plus, the usual review of symptoms, like I've said, I seemed to have formed some kind of survival mechanism that allows me to negate the bad and focus on the good. Acceptance would be an improvement, I know, and I've come a LONG way there, but I still am not quite at the optimal level of acceptance, haha.
The idea of going home to be alone again with all my frustrations took me down even further, but I managed to take a tiny nap, watch a bunch of shows on the DVR, and then my favorites, some foreign dramas (thank you universe for the internet, globalization, and allowing a culturophile(?!?) like me to watch LIVE streaming TV direct from South America. Hey, my Mom pays for them on Sattelite, but it's a ripoff because they don't even have the same lineup, they pick & choose & custom tailor it for those living abroad, grrr.)
Mom tried to get me to stay, the usual craziness where she acts like it would put her out immensely to have me over for more than a day or two, which is really annoying because I genuinely just want to be at home, and then she doesn't want me to leave! I was tired and tempted, but I have a ANOTHER doctor's appointment tomorrow and can't handle another day on no decent sleep...
So yep, that's me, part-time professional patient. Curious to hear the results of the MMA & Folic Acid tests, and hoping they have some news about my referrals. Can't remember if I mentioned it, but the PA was a doll, had me my referrals before a week was up, but the ahem (!) kind folks at the county insurance plan dealio sent them back with approvals for doctors that don't even take their coverage! 4 Phone calls (and as many touch-tone receptionists) to find out I can't see any of them... I think I found a way to expedite things and get what I need, but I have to call. Calls, calls, calls. I'm grateful, oh so grateful I can manage those now at least...
Well, glorious sleep on comfy pillows calls...wish me luck!
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