Listening to some nice, calm, Tibetean flutes, cuz I really need to relax. I feel so frazzled at nights lately, and my shoulders are killing me. (Not sure which came first but they definitely go together.) Last night was a tough one. Partly I think, because I kinda decided to wean myself off Elavil, which helps me with sleep. I don't know, maybe I'm stupid, because I've tried it before, and it's always interfered with sleep, causing worsening of stuff. But I've been reading for a couple of years now that it inhibits CoQ10 absorption, as does my beta blocker. I'd love to be able to supplement it, have tried in the past, and even though the price has gone down, I'm just kind of going crazy trying to keep up with all the supplements I need. (I'm low in Vitamin D, Iron, B-12...possibly other B's, and bought a B Complex, which was once always my must-have, but it irritates the heck out of my IC (too acidic for my poor bladder lining). Plus there's the ones I take for allergies, to boost my immune system, to help regulate my hormones and smack my Endometriosis back into remission...Whey Protein for my immune system & to make sure I'm getting all the protein I need as a vegetarian... With the vitamin deficiencies, I have been trying to talk myself back into eating meat after 11 years, and it was going well...until I unsuspectingly caught Chef Ramsey on TV at some horrendous butchering warehouse where they specialized in blood, watching a live pig having the blood drained out of it for Blood Sausage, ahhhhhhhh! Back to square one. I'm an ethical vegetarian, I believe we're beyond needing meat to survive, but if my anemia contributes to my getting worse, maybe I personally do need to eat it...Will have tests next week to find out just what kind of anemia it is, because my red blood cells seem to be enlarged, so they're testing for B-12 and folate deficiences, and then, I believe there is a chance it could be caused by the anti-viral I take, which would suck, because it helps. Dammit. I hate being broke. I know I should have had my Infectious Disease specialist monitoring that, but w/o insurance I can't have blood tests done outside of my county, so he can't order me any, and for some reason all the ones I send send him from other docs never seem to make it. I guess I should've tried harder, but I always seem to run out of stamina and just end up so overwhelmed I shut down, have to not think about it for awhile...It always comes back to money. The lack of it causes all kinds of stress and inconvenience and it seems nothing can be done properly. Who knows, if I had some, maybe he'd have been able to see what worked and didn't more easily, I would have been able to follow his recommendations more thoroughly...
Oh well, no point in iffing my life away, it is what it is for now.
But as I was saying, CoQ10 is depleted by this med, so I'm trying once again to cut it out. Besides, I ran out and I'm broke!
Googled & randomly found this aptly named article:Drugs that Steal
It might not all be the drug (I am replacing it with melatonin, and still taking my Soma) but also partly because I was suffering from some of the worst shoulder/neck pain I've had in awhile. (Which reminds me, I'm going to go put my buckwheat neck thingy in the freezer. I don't think it's meant for that, but heat won't do for this.) Absolutely killing me. I guess because I've been spending more time in bed/lying down, and on the laptop. I have to remember to keep my elbows propped on something, which should help my shoulders, but my neck and TMJ are also an issue...my jaw and base of my skull & neck are constantly popping and clicking, it's starting to really bug...I called about the Chiropractor today, but now they're saying I need a referral! When I talked to the PA about it she said to just go next door and make ask for an appointment, so they said they'd check with her and call back. Possibly she just had her fill of all my requests? I don't know, she seemed very genuine and professional...Oy. Well I faxed her a bunch of my medical records, and put a note about the Chiro on there, hopefully she'll okay it. I can't even use the shiatsu massager anymore because the muscles were so knotted up I stayed on it too long the other night trying to get them loosened and made my whole back sore to touch. I need a human touch, lol.
Well, what else? I opened up the dreaded files, I wasn't kidding, there were about 4 reams of paper's worth. I was really surprised to find everything I thought would be in there was NOT. Like ANY records from the Neurologist who evaluated my degenerative disc disease issues, pinched nerve, did the nerve conduction test that objectively proves I have one, and all that MINOR stuff. Worse yet, a friend who works at the clinic that was supposed to send them, who assured me it was taken care of (I even drove 20 minutes when I was feeling like utter crap to pick them up in person, spent an hour chit-chatting with him, and then he tells me he doesn't have them, their in the office, but they were faxed to my attorney the day before, and asks me to come over for dinner later. I went home and didn't make it, was too tired, so now I'm thinking maybe he was just trying to sweet-talk me to get some dessert...people can be so immature!) in the end didn't, or at least that's the conclusion I have to come to, which really, really ticks me off, because I would have found a way to get them over there myself, and it was kind of an important piece of my case, aside from not realizing my Orthopedic Surgeon was not one (which on examining the files, I guess is understandable because it doesn't specify that, just says MD, they didn't have the other records, so why would they think I had real issues with my spine? Ugggghh! Aside from that, there were no records of the second round of PT I had last year from another clinic...Well, at least now I know what I can work on for my appeal.
I also found out that interestingly, I apparently have some other viruses I didn't know about, CMV and HHV6! (To go along with the Echovirus & Coxsackie.) And I've had a low thyroid on more than a couple tests, to go along with the low cortisol, as well as high (at times SUPER high) cholesterol for quite awhile longer than I'd though. (Which I'm wondering if that ties into the CoQ10 issue at all?) I thought I knew what to expect as far as labs, but looking at them all I was actually surprised to find that the picture is of someone who is definitely NOT healthy. I guess it's that whole guilt thing, oh you look fine, you must be fine...
Anyhow, I tired myself out doing all that. My feet & hands are cold, neck hurts, frazzled-tired. I know my Mom would probably get on me for not doing the dishes if I had the energy to do that, but honestly, I didn't think I did have it. I think maybe I just draw on reserves I probably shouldn't because, well, it makes me feel like I am doing something to help myself, to win that damned case so I can get well...It's weird, I don't feel as desperate as I did last week, but I still do feel like there's no other choice. Especially looking at the labs & records from when I was working and I started crashing...wow. I can't have a life like this. With all the time I spent at my Mom's this year, I still didn't see my friends more than a couple of times...it just takes such extraordinary effort. I'm constantly pushing, just to do day-to-day things, even when I was better and I didn't notice as much, it all requires pushing, and will power only goes so far. So it is, tomorrow, I actually have a birthday someone wanted me to spend with them, someone who "likes me a whole lot" but I'll probably stay home watching TV in my pajamas and I don't care anymore, which is so not me. I just have nothing to give. I'll be happy if I can just get out for some air, which I will likely do, up to it or not, because I'm out of my beta blocker (thank goodness it's free!) and though I hardly have any gas, I'm going take the trip anyhow, this weekend will be rough enough without the added fun of my heart going extra crazy!
Ah, but I'm rambling again. I should rename this blog, My Virtual Ramblings, lol.
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