Grateful...

Well. I managed to my doctor's visit, early even. Thankfully, it wasn't too hot, because it was a good 15-20 minutes on the freeway, and I didn't have enough gas to risk using the a/c the whole way. As those of you with Dysautonomia may know, our body's thermostat's can be faulty at times, and a even a little heat can make one feel like one is about to internally combust, seriously a strange feeling, like you're burning up from the inside out.

My new county primary care provider clinic may not have a glorious ocean view 5 minutes away like the last one, but it's just as far (or close, depending on how much gas one has!) and I was definitely in for a surprise. It is located on the site of a Rescue Mission type place, shiny and new. To get in, I had to check in with security, was given a visitor's badge, and directed out another door on the other side of the gate and through a lovely courtyard complete with a sculpture, fountain, and artsy chairs I would later be very grateful for. The clinic itself was clean, sunny, nicely furnished, and surprisingly uncrowded. Oh, and it had a/c, unlike some the other clinics I've been to that the county healthcare program covers. Which was a huge, huge relief, cuz that little 200 ft walk in the 78 or so degree warmth had me weak, out of breath, heart racing, basically, one hot mess!

Long story short, the visit was a success! I was told to expect a Nurse Practitioner but got to see a PA instead, haha. I'm sure when they saw my list of meds and ailments they just handed it off, but better for me! She listened and typed away, didn't make me feel defensive, crazy, or like a bother, which is definitely a change from the old clinic by the beach, where the NP looked at me with fear and the PA rushed off as fast as she could. Subsequently, I was able to explain my situation in a coherent manner, and get ALL my needed referrals and tests! Well, not the ANS test, but that wasn't my strategy anyhow, I'm going to try going via a Neuro first. (Although I did ask the Neuro they sent me to for my disc issues, he just took my bp, saw it wasn't too abnormal, and left it at that. This time I guess I will have dissuade that type of behavior, haha. Gawd, this is why I get so tired of seeing doctors; most of them can't or don't help me...I'm a persistent girl, but between nerves and brain fog and a wearing down of stamina fighting for everything like this, there's only so far that will take me.)

If they can't find me someone knowledgeable or willing to help me manage this crap, or won't approve my test, I swear, I will camp out at the county offices, call them every day, find the freakin' director. I need some "objective findings" for my case, if not treatment then so be it, because if I win, I will have MediCare, THEN I can get treatment. So here we go again...

So here we go again. No choice, judging from how sick I got the last week, doing stuff I would do if I were working. (Or maybe it was the mushrooms giving me the stamina to overexert myself, or chlorella causing a herx reaction, either way the balance is too easily tipped)

I already have follow-up appointments for next week. Hopefully I'll have money for gas to get there. I went out on a limb and asked my sibling to float me some cash until Sunday to pay the doctor who is holding my form for social services hostage, lol, for a charge for missing my last appointment. I don't blame them for charging me for it. I meant to cancel it, was in the midst of (I thought) arranging for my Mom, who is struggling since my Father left the country to skip out on alimony, to move. I spent the last of my cash on gas to go get her, because she was down to bare cupboards, and I at least had food, and I knew I wouldn't make it back for the appointment, so I set an alarm on my (disconnected) cell phone to remind myself to call and cancel, but, as I found out yesterday when it went off to remind me, I set it for the wrong MONTH! Brilliant, right? lol. (Didn't remember until after the appointment was over, around 5pm that day, ugh, then was too embarrassed and didn't see the point in calling.) Sibling said yes, to the loan, but then never answered my next message, so hopefully he won't pull a virtual disappearing act (again) come tomorrow, and I can get my form signed and to my Social Worker to give to the appropriate department so they can keep helping me out. Lions and tigers and bears! No, seriously. Medicines, gas, & utilities! G'nite. Or Good Morning, depending on where you are....

So as tired as I am (only not asleep an hour ago because anxiety kicked in, hence the writing) and as much as I'd love to sleep in tomorrow, it's gonna be a fun-filled day. Brothers, doctors, social workers, maybe if I'm on a roll I'll even throw in lawyers. On the bright side, I'm hoping to get hooked up with the chiropractor, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude as I left the clinic, I forgot to try & make an appointment, and my shoulders are numb as I type, despite two different types of mechanical massages. (Stopped by the gym solely to use the hydromassager, not very relaxing but I thought it might calm me down and help with the circulation. I suspect the Dysautonomia might affect me there, too. I was relieved but feeling I dunno how to call it, overstimulated? I was excited to have had everything go so well, but I couldn't turn it off so it was uncomfortable, especially given how tired I was. Anyone else experience that type of thing?) Used my Shiatsu pad as well, OMG that felt good, but I can never get it to stay long enough on my trapezius area. So then I tried the Theracane...What I need is some ice, but left my fabulous shoulder ice pack at my Mom's & had to throw the rest out when the electricity was out during the summer. Okay, I'm rambling...Maybe now I can get some sleep.