Friday, January 9, 2009

What a week! SOME good news though...

This has been one of my toughest weeks. Besides some very stressful goings on, I've had the worst flares I can remember in years, that is, that I didn't cause by doing something stupid. (Namely, going to a concert, and deciding to take horseback riding lessons, both of which had me laid up for a few days each.)Okay, well it wasn't completely not my fault...

Yup folks, this time, I had the gall to try and pick up a box of cat litter, and lift my own laundry basket into the cart to take it to the laundry room. Growing up with the whole attitude of "if any boy can do it, so can I" and having been a long-distance runner as a teen, & bench pressed more than my own weight in high school, I still feel slightly defensive asking for help with stuff like that. No matter what, there's always a voice in the back of my mind whispering "Sissy! Wimp! Girly-girl!" Ah, just another one of the many internal conflicts that come with Fibro for me. Intellectually, I know I need the help, and it's okay to ask, but deep down, I still feel like I'm being a baby.

Still, this week, there wasn't really any way around it. I had the store person put it in the cart for me, had someone help me to my car...but I wasn't speaking to the one person who could help. So that's what I get.

Hopefully, going to the gym will help strengthen my muscles a bit more. I just hate that it takes so long! You have to be sooo careful and take it so easy exercising with Fibro. Far from the no pain no gain attitude I learned as a kid (hmm... now I'm wondering if maybe I was in more pain than everyone else during track tryouts, lol! Different theories on how FM works. Some say it's triggered, some say it was always there...I did seem to have more than my share of growing pains...)
The only solution seems to be to keep at it always, but with all the upheaval in my life the last few years (sometimes I just don't have the energy...or I've got too much on my plate to risk overdoing it at the gym and not being able to take care of other business) coupled with flares where it's just not feasible (yeah, not going to the gym with heart palpitations, dizziness, & orthostatic hypotension, lol) that's been nearly impossible.

Still, I'm hoping this year will become the year when I will truly, finally, just be able to concentrate on taking care of myself.

Oh, the good news? I got the Ashwagandha, and it I could tell the difference in my ability to handle stress almost immediately, I knew it was diminished, but I hadn't fathomed just how much it was hampering me, how much overwhelm it was causing and how much that was slowing me down, so that's great. (Curious what my cortisol levels are like these days. They were on the low side almost two years ago...and these have been the two most stressful years of my life!)

Second, I just got the form back from my doctor which will allow me to get reduced rates for electricity! I can't wait to see just how much of a difference that makes, because the cold really kills my muscles, pain I can control so easily is one more stressor I could do without! (Hardly seems to matter how I bundle up, it's like my body senses the cold beyond the layers somehow, and I can feel the sting way deep inside my muscles. Ow.)
I've been feeling bad about running up the bill, but darnit, this is America. We don't go without heat or cooling just because it costs money. I mean, that's why we have it, so we won't BE cold. Or hot.
(That was one of my biggest shocks in visiting South America. I couldn't even fathom how someone would build a beautiful, custom built house and not install central heating in a place where it rains nearly every single day in December, and the temps are in the 40s...What can I say? Spoiled I guess. Maybe I could've handled it more gracefully if it didn't get me sick and keep me in constant pain? Or I'd at least had painkillers.Thank gawd for thermal waters. Dying to find some here!)

Oh. One more good thing. Finally going to be able to send for a 3 months supply of my anti-viral medicine from Hong Kong. Maybe it'll last longer, actually, since the doc had me cut back because I was feeling like I was getting the flu every single day, actually, more like 6 months supply then! Wooo!

Oh, and I did get the flares under control had to give the painkillers more time to work, up dosage a little. Muscle relaxer that I usually take at night helped a ton too, got desperate and took it earlier. (I guess more proof than stress/tension causes pain.)I went ahead & filled my last Gabapentin (Neurontin)rx, too, because I realized the pain made my cognitive dyfunction worse anyways, so if it would help, a couple of doses of Neurontin might not be so bad. It just made me think how awful it is that there are people out there w/FM & other conditions who have no choice but to take it constantly...And ask myself, what I would do in that situation. I guess if you have a choice of being loopy and being in pain, and being slightly loopier and being pain-free...it's pretty obvious which is preferable.

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