Updates on LIfe, the Universe, and Well, Everything...or Not Much at All!

Hi Everyone, hope this finds you well! Myself, well, physically, not so great, lots of tummy troubles & flu-y symptoms, a definite rollercoaster. It seems like every time I seem to have things under control, I run out of a vital supplement. So some days I've felt pretty okay, and then the next few I am all weak and sweaty and nauseous and tachy and have to stay in bed. On the bright side, I have two rooms to myself, so I can choose! A nice perk since my bedroom is pretty dark all but a couple of hours a day, and the other one is as bright as the day outside. (Insert smiley face here.) I'm really going to miss the views of all the lovely green foliage around here when I have to go...

Now, aside from that, namely, emotionally, I've been doing well. There's an offer on the place, so no more potential buyer appointments to worry about. (Well, really, that hasn't stopped them from coming, I even took the sign down, but for some reason a few still had my number. Only now I don't feel obligated to answer or open! Ha!) I stopped the IV treatments, because they weren't helping as much as quickly land I'd hoped, and most of all, I couldn't take driving out there on a weekly basis! The original plan had been to get an Rx and get them in Mexico, which is a couple of hours away, so I could get them cheap and have them administered at home, but I think I let myself get talked out of that.
Wisely, or not, I'm not sure...I don't know if it's brain fog if I'm in some kind of crazy state of denial or what but I repeatedly seem to underestimate my limitations...for all my planning to go to South America for treatment, I just realized a couple of days ago that the flight itself would may have been more of a problem than I'd let myself believe. This came about when, after sitting upright on the couch for a couple of hours, obsessing over my latest obsession, Travel Hacking, I started having those nasty symptoms I try and ignore that seem to be my nervous system going haywire from the strain. Just this sick feeling, cold and tingling feet & hands, dull burning ache where my back & neck meet, a feeling like I can't breathe, chest tight, muscles contracted, heart racing...It feels almost like a panic attack, really. (My point being, how in the world would I cope with that after a few hours on an airplane, stuck like a sardine in my Economy seat?) And the only thing that makes it better is lying down FLAT. (Which you can't really do in Economy class, though as I found out, you can in International Business Class!) I shudder to think...Sometimes even the slight elevation of a pillow won't do, the choking discomfort won't have it. I just have to lie down, flat, arms at my sides, and try to relax...a heating pad helps sometimes. I really don't know if this is a CFS---Dysautonomia thing, or if it has something to do with the concussion I had a decade or so ago.

Sidenote: This question has prompted me to do some research on degenerative disc diseases, and more recently, something called Arachnoiditis, an inflammation of the sheath that goes over the spine & nerves, both of whose symptoms seem to intersect with each other, and with mine... I've especially noticed lately that whenever my cervical spine pain does act up, I either have a sensation of feeling like I have a lobster, scorpion (those are kind of arachnoid-like, right?) or something gently but irritatingly clinging around my c- spine. I've also had some nights recently where I just couldn't get comfortable; out of desperation I pulled an old, cheap, curved memory foam pillow out of my closet, and finally that helped, but I noticed that the barely-perceptible but raw sensitivity I felt in my neck seemed to be a variety of nerve pain.

Anyhow, as I was saying, I have finally been getting to rest. No more weekly trips, no more dragging myself to one doctor's appointment after another. no more steeling my will and my brain to think so I can help people deal with lawyers, realtors, worrying about family...  I've been keeping everything to a bare minimum, despite my ever-insistent (and since I got sick, rarely appeased) drive for productivity, and finally getting some real, actual, R&R! For once, I've enjoyed being sinfully lazy and demanded as little from myself as possible. Even showers! AWFUL, I know! But at the beginning there, I just didn't care. I didn't care about anything, couldn't make myself, no matter how hard I worked at it, it took super-human willpower to do much of anything. Ironically, I think it has something to do with tapering off my Zoloft, which the psychiatric intern had amped way up claiming sometimes anxiety took massive doses of before it responded, but it just kept getting worse. So after having it re-filled, I still kept it to a minimum and I don't know if it's that, or the rest, or both, but the anxiety is sooooo much better now, what a relief! Honestly, if my state of mind is good, being sick isn't so incredibly awful. I can make phone calls from bed. It's a good excuse to meditate, and I though I can't be on the computer long lying down flattish without killing my neck, that's not always such a bad thing. I'll take what I can get, because my time here is coming to an end, which means I'll need all my energy to sell stuff & pack & move it.

Which reminds me, my old plan is new again, I think I can handle the couple hour flight to a visit my cousin in a southern state, if she'll still have me. Despite the situation, I know it would be a mistake to stay and move in with my mother, just like I knew it would be a mistake to move here. (Love my parents, but there's a reason I moved out!) So I'm finding as many free ways to rack up airline miles as I can, and refusing to be anything but optimistic that it will all work out. Like a lovely graphic someone posted on Facebook today said, not all healing is physical, but spiritual as well, and laughter is good medicine. (Or something like that!) Who knows, maybe I'll even improve enough to fly further South...that would cut a couple hours off the flight at least...

Well, I'm hoping to revamp this blog a bit as well, the blue is a little well...BLUE for my tastes, so hopefully Blogger has some nice new templates for me to utilize. As soon as my hands stop killing me from the all Travel-hacking research! I am literally, so, so excited! Wish me luck!