Alone

Got the laptop charger plug working. Yay.
So as I said earlier, last night was tough. It started with feeling so tired yesterday. Mornings have been really tough lately, but I push through them, and I had a PT appointment, so I tried to take it slow, but I had to be there...I wanted to be there...so I showered, got ready but by the time it was time to leave it was pure mind over matter, I just felt so tired, and out of it and and overwhelmed by a need to lie down. But I left, calling my Mom on the way out the door hoping for some support. But she was busy, and I forgot my Bluetooth, so in my already precarious state, I didn't get over for the freeway onramp fast enough. Then I realized I had no gas (and only money for parking at the medical complex) and that I was all clammy and sweaty, plus I couldn't think of how to get on the freeway. Much less fathom trying to do anything involving putting my arms over my head (even the stretches that felt so good, or with the hope of getting my neck rubbed & stretched.) On the verge of tears I just gave up and drove myself home to lie down.

Easy right? Wrong. I couldn't get comfortable. I got home, with my body's thermostat out of control from the 10 whole minutes in the weakish car a/c with outdoor temps of 85 or so degrees , turned on the a/c (even though it was reasonably cool inside, once I get hot like that I need cold cold to get back to normal) grabbed my cat and forced her to cuddle with me on the couch, which she graciously acceded to. (May the Universe bless our pets' souls!) Funny what some steady purring and a warm furry body can do to heal a hurting soul!

Of course, my allergies decided to act up, so I ended up with a sinus headache, which I couldn't take anything for because my tachycardia has been acting up, and the only med that helps is an upper that sets it off.
By nighttime my heart was flip-flopping anyways, all kinds of weird beats, chest pains, weakness, shortness of breath from the heart weirdness, excruciating headrushes and even my chest constricting on standing up, feeling hot, cold extremities, numb and tingling fingers & toes (at one point it felt like my fingers had blood clogged in them, they were hot & dark red) and I was contemplating going to the hospital, even though my blood pressure wasn't measuring too low and pulse was actually not too fast (must have been irregular beats or palpitations, which I happily have proof of since my Mom, a formal medical assistant, listened with a stethoscope and noticed them! Yay! One less thing to wonder if I'm delusional about!)
I was starving, so I ate, which made things worse...(I was starving, nothing easy around to make so I said screw my Body Ecology Diet, and broke out some biscuits and tossed them in the oven. ERRR! Bad idea, too hard to digest, couldn't spare the blood volume for it I guess, no amount of digestive enzymes could help that.)


Eventually I remembered there was a $25 copay for the ER, which I don't have, and since my BP or heartrate weren't too low or high respectively, I didn't want to risk having them dismiss me and make me feel like a nut...as long as I could sleep I'd be ok.

Got to sleep around 2:30am with the help of some sleep supplements.

Woke up at 6am. It all started again. Only worse. I was so tired, but I couldn't get back to sleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Was hot. Then freezing. Even my head was uncomfortable (I think maybe enough blood wasn't getting there and the blood vessels were constricting) I finally ended up getting rid of all pillows, which is crazy for me, because I have neck problems, but it was the only thing I could stand. Chest was tight, fingers burning, tingling, hard to breathe, same as last night but worse, worse and more varied, crazy symptoms than ever.

Need a rest...more later...