Saturday, October 3, 2009

Pace Yourself

Easier said than done right?

Well for me, this has been a huge issue lately. I guess I crashed a couple months back, kinda have to face it, now. It seems odd, because I never seemed to crash like most people with CFS & FM do. If I really pushed it, I might be out of commission for a a couple days, a few at most, and rarely. (Unless you count the 3 occasions when I crashed after going back to work for a few months.) This time, it seems endless, and I'm being faced with the fact that I'm NOT going back to normal anytime soon.

Monday, it took just a trip to the drugstore and browsing through their clearance items, and looking for a supplement to set me off into a downhill spiral. By the time I was on the way to my car, I was feeling woozy, seeing spots, sweating, heart was racing, out of breath, and I'd be willing to bet my blood pressure was plummeting. I rested for a couple of minutes, and unwisely talked myself into going to the next store. I ended up lying down in the car for about 30 minutes, went in, and barely made through the checkoutline before I broke into a sweat and collapsed into the car again. Tuesday I felt like hell. The next days were better; as long as I did next to nothing. Any activity (even getting dressed) left me breathless and weak with my heart racing and exhausted. My blood pressure was having trouble staying up, and the head rushes were getting so persistent that I started getting headaches.

Today, I was frustrated and a bit depressed, and finally decided, screw it. I'm just going to stay in bed all day! (After a brief sojourn on the living room recliner w/the laptop.) I was upset, but finally, after a good free-write and some soothing meditation music, I gave in. It felt good, and I ended up embracing it. I started thinking, hmm. Maybe this is what the doctors meant by resting...Two doctors have told me that. Take it easy. REST. I'm not good at resting though. I feel guilty when I rest. (I think I possibly feel guilty for being alive if I get nothing "useful" accomplished, but...)

Then I read this article titled Find Your Limits - How to Put the Push-Crash Cycle Behind You.
Just the title intrigued me, because I've often lately come to the realization that I don't KNOW how to pace myself, I can't get a handle on it, because I keep trying to be normal, but I HAVE no normal these days...

This article makes things far clearer though; it really makes a lot of sense. Apparently the author runs a website and has courses on pacing and dealing with Chronic Illness. They're not free of course; but if it can help me get a handle on things...maybe it's worth it.

Hmm. I had a realization. I feel kind of ridiculous doing nothing. I'm trying to get over it. Just to see. (Or maybe it's my way of saying SCREW YOU, I can't do what I want, so I'll do NOTHING!) It's occurred to me that maybe part of me doesn't believe I'm sick, because people around me don't seem to (and maybe that's the answer to all the questions I've been asking lately?).

1 comment:

  1. Hi
    I do think it is so important when struggling with chronic illness to listen to and get to know your body I believe we are our own best advocates and need to take the lead with doctors to give us guidance.

    I was so lucky that after 4 years of mE/CFS/Fibro/ poly myalgia rheumatica my GP finally realised it could be lyme Disease now after 6 1/2 years of chronic ill health I have my life back.

    If you want to read more see my blog
    http://joanne-orangecottages.blogspot.com/

    Because blood tests are only 50% reliable for lyme many people with similar diagnosis are now finding they infact have lyme and with long term antibiotics are getting their life back.

    ReplyDelete

Input, input! Tell me what you think!