Article: When Working No Longer Works

This article struck home big time. I went back to work 3 different times after being diagnosed. I hadn't realized how much of my identity and self worth were dependent on my job until I couldn't do it. Especially when it became apparent that I was only hurting myself by continuing to try.

Also, to add to the identity crisis, I had been determined to be financially responsible and successful...I had just gotten my first solo apartment, and was a little over a year into my first car loan.

I still struggle... I can't reconcile myself with being poor. It's not what I envisioned for myself, and it's VERY stressful, having to try and juggle things I need and stretch dollars, and most of all, feel constantly deprived of things most people my age take for granted; going out with friends, buying clothes, the newest techno-gadgets...I'd also hoped to travel...Instead I'm juggling prescripton prices, and drowning in copays and other medical expenses.

Instead, I find that my twenties have slipped away, and, far from having bought my first home, I've moved in with one of my parents, in a new town, far from the friends that helped make life with chronic illnesses bearable. Not to mention that instead of getting better I'm getting worse...

And to top it off, I get to put up with people judging me. I had one aunt imply that I moved in to take advantage of my father. My own mother told me to go back to work, because it's okay for her to be disabled because she's of retirement age, and when I've had the gall to ask for help cleaning up, my father told me it's all in my head.

I'm finally beginning to understand that I can't expect people to understand, not my illness, and not my not working. Why should I care anyhow? They weren't there when I made the decision to stop, hoping it wasn't too late to prevent another crash. They weren't there when I tried to act like it was okay because it was the only sensible decision to stop banging my head against a brick wall. They don't know that despite my outward non-chalance, I took a nosedive into a deep depression, or the panic I felt at the uncertainty of my future, so much so that I actually got even sicker after I stopped working... They don't know, and I'm tired of trying to explain myself.

Agh. Sob story, I know. I'm trying to get more positive, I swear!

So anyways, here's a great article from the Fightingfatigue.org blog, I feel for the author, but at the same time, it's good to hear someone describe something I've been through...

ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia: When Working No Longer Works : FightingFatigue.org