POTS Chronicles

Oh my. This is starting to really get boring. I think it's been about 6 weeks, this POTS flare-up that's plaguing me.  Post exertional malaise is in full effect. I found a girl to help me out around the house, help me get the place ready for a roommate, and even though I'm mostly just overseeing her, I'm wiped out the next day, and the day after I've only managed through will power and pain pills. My heart is palpitating as I type, both sides of my neck are uncomfortable with that feeling like someone's got a finger on my artery, and half the time I'm afraid to eat... Especially breakfast, because my heart starts pounding as soon as I get up, and takes 30+ minutes to settle down, so I'm afraid food will start it back up and tie me to the couch even harder, or my stomach will spazz out, literally, it seems to go into a spasm after eating 1 out of 3 times lately. I feel weaker and weaker as time goes on, probably from spending so much time on the couch, trying not to aggravate things. Fortunately I still have one of my recliners, and the last couple of days I've discovered why I was so fond of it in the past. Maybe using it instead will help slow down the weakness. At any rate, it's more comfortable, with it's big comfy arms, and it's supposed to slow down atrophy of the leg muscles or something, so they're recommended when you have POTS versus a couch. I think it engages your core a bit, too. Right now I had to switch to the couch because my laptop needed to be plugged in, and even though I've got my legs curled up and am leaning sideways so I'm not fully upright, my head is hurting a bit, it's like I can feel the blood vessels stretching across my scalp, trying to grab onto as much blood as possible or something, grr.

I'm toying with the idea of starting on my recumbent bike again, maybe super slow, 5 minutes. I wonder if that could be what triggered this flare up? I was up to 30 minutes, it was awesome. I'm not sure that was it though. I've had a half-formed theory for awhile now, because I've noticed that I seem to get worse, sicker and weaker, when I'm not stressed out. Whenever I can really start to relax, it seems like I get worse, but when I'm stressed, even though you'd think that that would aggravate things, it's not as bad... It will be hard, and I"ll swear I'm about to break down it's so hard, but I don't. (Or at least I've never gotten that far, although I think I was close last year before things started to go right.)
So anyhow, I think maybe adrenaline has something to do with it. Like my heart and Autonomic Nervous System freak out when I don't have enough and my system starts collapsing. I suppose I should do some research on that, but it's so hard to concentrate, and I'm so tired of researching... It's just so discouraging, because I want to get on with my life so much, and I'm stuck here, and I know I'm so lucky to have help now, at least I don't have to worry what will become of me if I get worse, but I've also realized, I don't WANT someone doing EVERYTHING for me... And I so wanted to start having more of a social life. I got fed up a couple of weeks ago and went out with a friend for a bite and drinks, two things I'm normally afraid to do when things are acting up, and sure enough, it ended disastrously with my almost passing out while sitting down  and then vomiting explosively all over the bathroom. I also had to make up some excuse not to go out for lunch with my friend on his birthday, well, I didn't HAVE to make up an excuse, but I guess at the time it seemed preferable to be evasive than pathetic... Ah, so exhausting. Well, I've emailed a POTS specialist for a phone consult and am waiting to hear back. I wish she'd order some testing