I was thinking...it feels like a lot of my posts are coming off as a bit angst-ridden.
Well, writing honestly about Fibro tends to bring that out I guess. It's hard having an invisible, unpredictable illness that no one gets, and that has wreaked havoc on your life. But this blog is supposed to be about The Journey WITH the illness. Life, as a whole. And the freedom to be honest about the role FM/ME play in it. But not just about IT. There's more to it than that. More than the struggle.
I guess I'm afraid of coming off as pessimistic. That's not me. Things have been tough recently. I thought having a place to live in peace would make everything okay. But it turns out, besides leaving behind a life that took me a lot of effort and time to build, for the first time in a couple of years, I wasn't so busy trying to survive that I could ignore things undealt with, turns out they were just lying there, beneath the surface, waiting, and once I had a chance to rest, there they were. Actually, I think survival became my thing, and not having to drive myself so hard sounded great, but in reality, you get used to things, even hard things. Without having to or being able to do that, it was like getting sick and starting the grieving process all over again.
I'm not where I planned to be in life. I can't even pretend, like I did before I moved, that I have things under control. (The truth was, it was a shakily constructed facade, mostly for other people's benefit.) Things have been dark lately, but there are hours, sometimes days, where I again see the light and the world is good and full of promise and hope.
So hopefully, that will show through a little more in the future :)
Well, writing honestly about Fibro tends to bring that out I guess. It's hard having an invisible, unpredictable illness that no one gets, and that has wreaked havoc on your life. But this blog is supposed to be about The Journey WITH the illness. Life, as a whole. And the freedom to be honest about the role FM/ME play in it. But not just about IT. There's more to it than that. More than the struggle.
I guess I'm afraid of coming off as pessimistic. That's not me. Things have been tough recently. I thought having a place to live in peace would make everything okay. But it turns out, besides leaving behind a life that took me a lot of effort and time to build, for the first time in a couple of years, I wasn't so busy trying to survive that I could ignore things undealt with, turns out they were just lying there, beneath the surface, waiting, and once I had a chance to rest, there they were. Actually, I think survival became my thing, and not having to drive myself so hard sounded great, but in reality, you get used to things, even hard things. Without having to or being able to do that, it was like getting sick and starting the grieving process all over again.
I'm not where I planned to be in life. I can't even pretend, like I did before I moved, that I have things under control. (The truth was, it was a shakily constructed facade, mostly for other people's benefit.) Things have been dark lately, but there are hours, sometimes days, where I again see the light and the world is good and full of promise and hope.
So hopefully, that will show through a little more in the future :)
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