I just got back from the pharmacy, after spending hours trying to talk myself into going, it wasn't that bad at all. My thermostat seems a bit off, but it didn't bug me too badly, worse when I got home and had the nerve to take out the bathroom trash & recycling.
I spent most of the drive contemplating my mood. Because it's good! I feel like I took a happy pill or something.
It was a crazy day. I woke up to a text from my friend who "helped" me with my medical records. He said I should've checked them, lol. Umm, yeah, that's why I went to your office to pick them up personally dude. My attorney said they received the files from them, and since he didn't give them to me, I assumed the Neuro files were in there. So I guess the buck really stops at my (former) attorney. (So glad they let me out of my contract with them!) I know I gave them the doctor's info and told them why those were important, and they knew I was having trouble getting them, I told them I was having them sent to another doctor and they'd send them, and when I asked if they got them they said yes. Oh well. What's done is done. I still have a chance to fix it. Of course it might take a couple of more years of my life...
Then my brother did me the huge favor of going to take care of the bill and ask about my paperwork, but something got lost in translation because he didn't even mention he had a check for them! So they ended up being really helpful, turned out they'd had the doc fill out the paperwork weeks ago, and sent that to me and offered to help in any way possible of he hadn't done it to Social Services' satisfaction this time. But then my payment didn't go through on the card I sent lasts night (which is why I sent my brother with the check instead) and I felt like a jerk. (Frustrating, but hey, at least he tried?)
Then on to deal with Social Services, where the Social Worker hadn't called me back all week, despite at least two messages, which is rote there. At this point, I have her supervisor's number handy, so I called her, who proceeded to tell me that she WAS there so she'd have her call me right back. After an hour or so, I got a call back from someone else saying she wasn't there! But he offered to help me, so after getting and faxing back another medical release form (I've faxed one to like 6 different places this week, lol, so that's why I say "another") he was able to assure me that yes, I would be getting my money this weekend. Which is a huge relief, because now I can pay the doctor on Monday, as well as get some gas & food if I don't recover enough to wash some pots and cook up the lovely myriad of legumes & rice I have left. Not that I feel like eating anyhow, lol. It's pretty great, actually, I'm finally losing a decent amount of weight. For the first time in AGES my hip bones are sticking out when I lie down, & I only have to suck in my tummy a litle and the belly's gone! Woooo! 15 more lbs to go! (I had a new supplement I was taking to help with that by regulating my blood sugar and all this stuff, but I'll save that for when I have food.)
Ha, I can't get depressed today. I started trying to feel sorry for myself, but I can't. I feel perfectly calm and serene. Yes, the events of earlier today had me a bit frazzled, but I got over it really fast. It's like I've lost the ability to get upset. So I was trying to figure it out. I'm extremely emotionally and physically worn out, so I was thinking maybe I'm just numb? But no, that feels uncomfortable. I feel inconceivably okay. So I'm thinking, it's GOT to be hormones. The same ones that had me raging angry last week, are now on the other end of the spectrum. I'll take it! (And can we bottle it somehow so I can inject it as needed in the future?) I was actually tempted to go to the Toga party I was invited to tonight, not dressed up or anything, but just to say hi and wish my friend a happy birthday, but nah. I'm not going to push it. I really want to get some of those dishes done, I really have to work on scanning my files because I have to return that thing in the next week (wish I could keep it, already having my files on my computer where I can find them; was amazing for my visit to the new clinic the other day!) and if I possibly can, I'd like to dye my darn hair. (I don't care so much about the roots, but the grey is ridiculous, I swear, all my grey hairs grow straight up for some reason, and the old ones are getting LONG. Hopefully the formula I have will work. Just figures, I've spent half my life trying to get my blah and resistantly dark hair a natural, non-brassy shade of brown, and now all I want to do is get the greys dark, and they don't wanna!) So hoping if I'm careful, get lots of rest and enjoy my temporary serenity, and if my Orthostatic Hypotension & POTS doesn't worsen, pain doesn't get past this level, etc., it will be a far more bearable weekend than I'd bargained for! Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label good days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good days. Show all posts
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday, April 9, 2010
Cheered Up!
It's been bugging me for weeks, actually months now, that I really need to post an update! I've been feeling in much better spirits for most of the year now, and I suspect part of what kept me from posting was an irrational fear of bursting the bubble...
I think it's safe to say now that as the year is more than a quarter over, the time has come, so here goes...
Things are good. The downward dragging arms of depression have let up. I don't have very many down, down days like I used to last year. If that's because the holidays are over, or just because my mood-dictating chemicals are re-setting themselves, I don't know.
I've been taking Epivir for 3 months now, and I noticed the difference, at least in my immune system, almost from the beginning. (Although at the very beginning, I did get sicker, I had a stomach flu, i.e., an Enterovirus flare-up that lasted for almost 3 weeks; I could barely eat solid foods, but happily, I needed badly to lose weight) In late January, or early February I came down with a sinus infection, but unlike last year, when one after another had me stuck in bed, achey, feverish, and feeling completely sick and miserable. This time, I barely felt sick. I only suspected I was because of persistent sinus headaches, and the fact that I was spitting up practically pure blood from my nose when I did my sinus rinses...
Anyhow, once treated, I recovered quickly and haven't been ill since. The only other difference I've noticed is I feel sleepy a lot sincee I started the Epivir, as opposed to just exhausted. Despite that, I think I am very slowly but surely gaining stamina.
The other change I've made healthwise, is starting the Body Ecology Diet.
I started it slowly, first working on incorporating foods from it into my existing lacto-ovo vegetarian diet. But I found it easier than I thought, and noticed the difference. My stomach had been bothering me a lot...besides acid reflux that needed constant acid reducers and antacids, I felt bloated and uncomfortable often, even nauseous at times, and I noticed that this also seemed to affect my Interstitial Cystitis symptoms. Once I started incorporating Body Ecology's "seed-like grains", things got much better, and when I ate my old diet things acted up right away again, so I decided to make it a full-time endeavor, even if minus some of the more expensive, difficult sounding foods, such as Young Coconut Kefir and Culutured vegetables.
Things were going great, I lost more weight and starte feeling SO much better about myself, my stomach flattened out so much that my seatbelt in the car didn't bother me anymore; in fact it barely touched my stomach.
Unfortunately in the last weeks I found myself cheating a bit and right before Easter I'd gone gung-ho, inclucing foods like Kimchi, Coconut Kefir (I made my own using a bottle of store-bought YCK as a starter with my own Young Green Coconut water. It worked like a dream! And way cheaper than buying the culture.) and even Natto. I started itching a bit, apparently from die-off or detox...but I got that under control...until I chated again on Easter weekend, and then the itch got insane, like crazy-making...but I read up on it, and came to the conclusion that it's my liver detoxing, probably must more quickly because of the new foods, decrease in grains, and increase in raw veggies.
The one amazing thing that has occured in the last couple of weeks, is that my allergies seem to be disappearing. They're still there, but instead of in the form of asthma attacks, itchy eyes (which respond to ahti-histamines) and excruciating nasal congestion so bad I can barely breath, and excruciating sinus headaches (which don't fully respond) I find myself with very mild nasal congestion, and an occasionally runny nose!
I find myself loving SALADs (yup, I'm one of those vegetarians who hardly eats veggies, subsisting mostly on grains, albeit whole, and protein) and rediscovering the joys of other veggies, raw and cooked. Sometimes my stomach feels a little grumpy, and I feel it asking me for some raw veggies. I eat a salad, or even a simple celery stick, and it becomes relaxed, light, and happy.
So good stuff lately... I've been keeping to myself, but I've stopped minding it. Trying to have a social life right now is just TOO much work. I'll happily spend my weekend nights at home with the laptop and my cable, or visiting my Mom and taking it easy at her place. I no longer seen the point in going out to drink so I can feel like a normal person for a few hours and feel miserable for 2 days. I haven't give up on living, but I don't mind waiting until my time comes again, as I'm sure it will. In the meantime, thid diet is one thing I can do to take care of me, and I have confidence that it will continue to improve my health. I'm also trying to bolster my adrenals a bit, as I still feel overwhelmed about nothing far too much of the time, and I'm hoping I can at least go back to school in the Fall. To think that it's been 2 years already...2 years in which I could have transfered to the university nearby with the great Writing Program...well, I don't beat myself up or get angry these days. I haven't been up for it, and that's that. One day perhaps but now, I just want to find some kind of peace, and I'm getting there.
I think it's safe to say now that as the year is more than a quarter over, the time has come, so here goes...
Things are good. The downward dragging arms of depression have let up. I don't have very many down, down days like I used to last year. If that's because the holidays are over, or just because my mood-dictating chemicals are re-setting themselves, I don't know.
I've been taking Epivir for 3 months now, and I noticed the difference, at least in my immune system, almost from the beginning. (Although at the very beginning, I did get sicker, I had a stomach flu, i.e., an Enterovirus flare-up that lasted for almost 3 weeks; I could barely eat solid foods, but happily, I needed badly to lose weight) In late January, or early February I came down with a sinus infection, but unlike last year, when one after another had me stuck in bed, achey, feverish, and feeling completely sick and miserable. This time, I barely felt sick. I only suspected I was because of persistent sinus headaches, and the fact that I was spitting up practically pure blood from my nose when I did my sinus rinses...
Anyhow, once treated, I recovered quickly and haven't been ill since. The only other difference I've noticed is I feel sleepy a lot sincee I started the Epivir, as opposed to just exhausted. Despite that, I think I am very slowly but surely gaining stamina.
The other change I've made healthwise, is starting the Body Ecology Diet.
I started it slowly, first working on incorporating foods from it into my existing lacto-ovo vegetarian diet. But I found it easier than I thought, and noticed the difference. My stomach had been bothering me a lot...besides acid reflux that needed constant acid reducers and antacids, I felt bloated and uncomfortable often, even nauseous at times, and I noticed that this also seemed to affect my Interstitial Cystitis symptoms. Once I started incorporating Body Ecology's "seed-like grains", things got much better, and when I ate my old diet things acted up right away again, so I decided to make it a full-time endeavor, even if minus some of the more expensive, difficult sounding foods, such as Young Coconut Kefir and Culutured vegetables.
Things were going great, I lost more weight and starte feeling SO much better about myself, my stomach flattened out so much that my seatbelt in the car didn't bother me anymore; in fact it barely touched my stomach.
Unfortunately in the last weeks I found myself cheating a bit and right before Easter I'd gone gung-ho, inclucing foods like Kimchi, Coconut Kefir (I made my own using a bottle of store-bought YCK as a starter with my own Young Green Coconut water. It worked like a dream! And way cheaper than buying the culture.) and even Natto. I started itching a bit, apparently from die-off or detox...but I got that under control...until I chated again on Easter weekend, and then the itch got insane, like crazy-making...but I read up on it, and came to the conclusion that it's my liver detoxing, probably must more quickly because of the new foods, decrease in grains, and increase in raw veggies.
The one amazing thing that has occured in the last couple of weeks, is that my allergies seem to be disappearing. They're still there, but instead of in the form of asthma attacks, itchy eyes (which respond to ahti-histamines) and excruciating nasal congestion so bad I can barely breath, and excruciating sinus headaches (which don't fully respond) I find myself with very mild nasal congestion, and an occasionally runny nose!
I find myself loving SALADs (yup, I'm one of those vegetarians who hardly eats veggies, subsisting mostly on grains, albeit whole, and protein) and rediscovering the joys of other veggies, raw and cooked. Sometimes my stomach feels a little grumpy, and I feel it asking me for some raw veggies. I eat a salad, or even a simple celery stick, and it becomes relaxed, light, and happy.
So good stuff lately... I've been keeping to myself, but I've stopped minding it. Trying to have a social life right now is just TOO much work. I'll happily spend my weekend nights at home with the laptop and my cable, or visiting my Mom and taking it easy at her place. I no longer seen the point in going out to drink so I can feel like a normal person for a few hours and feel miserable for 2 days. I haven't give up on living, but I don't mind waiting until my time comes again, as I'm sure it will. In the meantime, thid diet is one thing I can do to take care of me, and I have confidence that it will continue to improve my health. I'm also trying to bolster my adrenals a bit, as I still feel overwhelmed about nothing far too much of the time, and I'm hoping I can at least go back to school in the Fall. To think that it's been 2 years already...2 years in which I could have transfered to the university nearby with the great Writing Program...well, I don't beat myself up or get angry these days. I haven't been up for it, and that's that. One day perhaps but now, I just want to find some kind of peace, and I'm getting there.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Hope and optimism are back!
And this has been a day-long thing, as opposed to after I take my muscle relaxant & other meds, hehe. I think perhaps it's the Ashwaghanda I started taking again. (My stress tolerance was so ridiculous I was walking around feeling stressed out for no reason at all! Very uncomfortable, makes you wanna jump outta your own skin! And cranky! I hate being cranky!) But suddenly, everything seems possible, and I feel hopeful and can't wait till Monday to start DOING stuff. Just wanted to share, seeing as how so many of my posts last year were kinda downers...
I'm actually toying w/the idea of adding a CFS video blog...It occurred to me that not only would it be good for people to see that a chronically ill person can look just like everyone else, but that it could be good for ME to see me talking about it. I seem to have trouble with acceptance and guilt...incredibly, after all these years, I still seem to be in denial sometimes...and it causes me to feel guilty, and a bit ashamed, that I haven't been able to fix myself...and it's utterly ridiculous but...
So we'll see how that develops...For now...Hopeful & Optimistic are the words! :)
I'm actually toying w/the idea of adding a CFS video blog...It occurred to me that not only would it be good for people to see that a chronically ill person can look just like everyone else, but that it could be good for ME to see me talking about it. I seem to have trouble with acceptance and guilt...incredibly, after all these years, I still seem to be in denial sometimes...and it causes me to feel guilty, and a bit ashamed, that I haven't been able to fix myself...and it's utterly ridiculous but...
So we'll see how that develops...For now...Hopeful & Optimistic are the words! :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A Better Day
Today actually went pretty well. I finally got a chance to practice pacing, and I think it was helpful.
I woke up, drank even more water than usual, and had some salt. I lucked out, in that the laptop was forgotten today, so I got to recline in bed while checking my e-mail (I think sitting up at my desktop pc to do that yesterday is what did me in, definitely what triggered the tachycardia, possibly along w/hormonal changes).
I expected total madness when I hit the stores, but lucked out; I decided ahead of time that I was going to get a gocart, since I had returns to do and that involved standing in line, which kills me. (I don't faint, but I feel really, really ill if I stand in lines for even a couple of minutes...my back gets really stiff as well, and hurts after just a few minutes.)
I lucked out though, no wait at Tar-jay, and I did do the gocart thing at WalMart, though I felt like a huge dork, all made up and healthy-looking, I got some stares, especially from peopole my age, and I could imagine what they were thinking, but I just smiled or looked away...and it worked, I got the stuff I'd been dreaded all taken care of and wasn't completely exhausted for a change; so nice!
I lucked out with parking, too, now that I think of it, it wasn't looking good, even the handicapped spaces were all taken at both stores, but I got great parking at both stores in the end...
I even made it to a 3rd store, and the doctor (though that was fruitless, as he wasn't there...) and was only worn out when I got home from carrying my bags and coats inside. I was planning on having a nice glass of wine, as a glass of beer had a great effect on me last week, but I ended up having to take a Neurontin for some excruciating cramping; even that worked out, it helped, and it didn't make me sleepy like I expected, perhaps just relaxed :)
I cooked up a quick egg dish for dinner, tidied up a tiny bit, and gave the cat a good, long overdue brushing, which finally did wear me out. It still seems ridiculous that such an easy task could wear me out...of course, I did have to do a little extra because of the allergies...brought the air filter in from the other room, and wore a mask (just the dander from petting her with my foot started my nasal passages swelling, soo...)
Ah, this all sounds so silly even to me, so mundane, but I'm so grateful. OH!
And I did realize a cool thing today, my brain fog is SO much better. It's like someone removed the cotton candy that was clogging it all up and everything runs smoothly...I'm not running around with my forehead wrinkled constantly trying to hang onto every thought lest it disappear before I was done with it. It was so incredibly exhausting! I don't know if it's a result of my social isolation, forced rest, Oxymatrine/immune modulators, or what, but I am so grateful.
I hadn't realized how much better it had gotten until I had a bad fog day a few weeks back and I just wanted to cry...it was so stressful, and every little darn thing was so difficult because I kept forgetting what I was doing, where I was going, what I needed to do or take to get there...and then it hit me that it used to be like that ALL the time, and I don't know how I lived like that...
I watched an episode of a TV show called "Fringe" last night; it's a Sci-Fi show, and this man who'd been in a mental hospital suddenly "went sane" after having something surgically removed from his brain, and he was describing how it felt, and he said, "It was just like ah, suddenly...Free..."
That's what it's like without the awful cognitive dysfunction, I can just think and do and function freely, without feeling like my brain is cramping up from the effort, everything's running smoothly instead of bumper to bumper traffic to hold onto and retrieve thoughts!
Yay :)
I woke up, drank even more water than usual, and had some salt. I lucked out, in that the laptop was forgotten today, so I got to recline in bed while checking my e-mail (I think sitting up at my desktop pc to do that yesterday is what did me in, definitely what triggered the tachycardia, possibly along w/hormonal changes).
I expected total madness when I hit the stores, but lucked out; I decided ahead of time that I was going to get a gocart, since I had returns to do and that involved standing in line, which kills me. (I don't faint, but I feel really, really ill if I stand in lines for even a couple of minutes...my back gets really stiff as well, and hurts after just a few minutes.)
I lucked out though, no wait at Tar-jay, and I did do the gocart thing at WalMart, though I felt like a huge dork, all made up and healthy-looking, I got some stares, especially from peopole my age, and I could imagine what they were thinking, but I just smiled or looked away...and it worked, I got the stuff I'd been dreaded all taken care of and wasn't completely exhausted for a change; so nice!
I lucked out with parking, too, now that I think of it, it wasn't looking good, even the handicapped spaces were all taken at both stores, but I got great parking at both stores in the end...
I even made it to a 3rd store, and the doctor (though that was fruitless, as he wasn't there...) and was only worn out when I got home from carrying my bags and coats inside. I was planning on having a nice glass of wine, as a glass of beer had a great effect on me last week, but I ended up having to take a Neurontin for some excruciating cramping; even that worked out, it helped, and it didn't make me sleepy like I expected, perhaps just relaxed :)
I cooked up a quick egg dish for dinner, tidied up a tiny bit, and gave the cat a good, long overdue brushing, which finally did wear me out. It still seems ridiculous that such an easy task could wear me out...of course, I did have to do a little extra because of the allergies...brought the air filter in from the other room, and wore a mask (just the dander from petting her with my foot started my nasal passages swelling, soo...)
Ah, this all sounds so silly even to me, so mundane, but I'm so grateful. OH!
And I did realize a cool thing today, my brain fog is SO much better. It's like someone removed the cotton candy that was clogging it all up and everything runs smoothly...I'm not running around with my forehead wrinkled constantly trying to hang onto every thought lest it disappear before I was done with it. It was so incredibly exhausting! I don't know if it's a result of my social isolation, forced rest, Oxymatrine/immune modulators, or what, but I am so grateful.
I hadn't realized how much better it had gotten until I had a bad fog day a few weeks back and I just wanted to cry...it was so stressful, and every little darn thing was so difficult because I kept forgetting what I was doing, where I was going, what I needed to do or take to get there...and then it hit me that it used to be like that ALL the time, and I don't know how I lived like that...
I watched an episode of a TV show called "Fringe" last night; it's a Sci-Fi show, and this man who'd been in a mental hospital suddenly "went sane" after having something surgically removed from his brain, and he was describing how it felt, and he said, "It was just like ah, suddenly...Free..."
That's what it's like without the awful cognitive dysfunction, I can just think and do and function freely, without feeling like my brain is cramping up from the effort, everything's running smoothly instead of bumper to bumper traffic to hold onto and retrieve thoughts!
Yay :)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Ixnay on the Endometriosisnay
Got back test results from my visit to the doctor the other day. Turns out, I have a raging UTI. THAT'S what all that pain was about. Yay!
I thought it was odd that the Neurontin, which worked so amazingly last month, had no effect this month.
I also have no cavities. Contrary to my brother's girlfriend's dire prediction that I had a cavity that needed a root canal, the sensitivity is due to some dentin wearing away, and if I don't stop it, it will be a cavity. I've already switched to a toothpaste for sensitive teeth with fluoride though, so that should help, and I'm going to be more diligent about keeping my mouth moist. It dries up from some of the meds,common thing w/FM, used to constantly suck on Halls Breezers, but then discovered there's sugar in there...switched Xylitol mints (have TMJ so can't chew gum) but kept running out, so I bought myself a ton of them...
Had other tests come back not so conclusive, meaning further exams, but I won't get into that unless I need to. The whole cross that bridge when/if you come to it deal. I had a good day darnit, and I'm going to keep it that way.
I'm so tired, but it feels good. It's "normal people tired". Like, I had a full day and got a ton done and I'm drowsy and ready for bed tired. How often does THAT happen?
(In case you're new, not often. Usually it's more like, so exhausted I can hardly breathe but I can't relax much less sleep for the life of me. So this is a sweet deal.)
Off I go...
I thought it was odd that the Neurontin, which worked so amazingly last month, had no effect this month.
I also have no cavities. Contrary to my brother's girlfriend's dire prediction that I had a cavity that needed a root canal, the sensitivity is due to some dentin wearing away, and if I don't stop it, it will be a cavity. I've already switched to a toothpaste for sensitive teeth with fluoride though, so that should help, and I'm going to be more diligent about keeping my mouth moist. It dries up from some of the meds,common thing w/FM, used to constantly suck on Halls Breezers, but then discovered there's sugar in there...switched Xylitol mints (have TMJ so can't chew gum) but kept running out, so I bought myself a ton of them...
Had other tests come back not so conclusive, meaning further exams, but I won't get into that unless I need to. The whole cross that bridge when/if you come to it deal. I had a good day darnit, and I'm going to keep it that way.
I'm so tired, but it feels good. It's "normal people tired". Like, I had a full day and got a ton done and I'm drowsy and ready for bed tired. How often does THAT happen?
(In case you're new, not often. Usually it's more like, so exhausted I can hardly breathe but I can't relax much less sleep for the life of me. So this is a sweet deal.)
Off I go...
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