Pets, Food, & Professional Patient-ism

Home sweet, disastrously messy home! It's good to be here. Drove out to L.A. to stay with family last night so I could get to my Dr.'s appointment in time, safely, as I never know how I'm going to feel lately in the mornings, and 11am at best is a a time I'm usually okay to get started, not be at an appointment an hour away, hehe. I so did not want to pack up my stuff and drive out there, but I decided it was the safest bet. (And as hard as I tried to focus, I still left my medications behind!)

It was nice to get hugs and see the puppy, adore that little girl! Today, I was having a sad moment and a tear or two snuck out of my eyes, and somehow she knew, and started trying to lick my face! It was so crazy because she sat on my chest and even though I blocked her access to my face with my arm, she kept leaning against it, ready to lick if given the chance...and when I let up, she didn't go for my nose or mouth as usual (yeck, so not down with that, but she's a sneaky one) she went for my cheek right under my eyes and licked the tears right up...I don't know how she knew; it's not like I was sobbing.... Animals are such little blessings. I've been so missing my kitty these last weeks when I've been alone stuck in bed. If I got really desperate and couldn't take it anymore, allergies be damned, I'd pick her up and let her lie on my chest & purr, pet her & hug her. She used to love lying down in the crook of my arm, falling asleep, arching her back against me just like a person, amazing how a being we can barely even communicate with can be so comforting. How amazing it would be to get inside their heads and see how they experience life.

So I for some reason ended up taking Mom with me to my appointment. I dunno, maybe because I was half asleep, or maybe I thought it would help her understand me, or write that darn letter she's putting off for my disability appeal, or be reassured that I'm not a pill junkie and I don't happily take scrips to add to my already annoyingly long list. I think it helped a bit, although I think partly due to her interjection and my foggy brain, when asked what I usually had for breakfast all I could think of was protein & yogurt, lol! This after I've been eating mini quiches for breakfast for most of last week, hoping the protein & fat would agree with my metabolism better than carbs. My doctor ended up suggesting I have oatmeal, and I somehow didn't manage to articulate that that was one of my breakfast staples for so long I'm can hardly stand the thought of it, haha. (W/Cinnamon, butter or coconut oil, and Stevia or Brown Sugar.) No, maybe now that it's going to get cold (I think? You never know these days, with heatwaves in mid-October) I'll begin to find it appetizing again. I've actually been craving Malt-o-Meal.

The truth is, my meals, like the rest of my life, are a hot mess. A month ago it was protein shakes or yogurt with protein & hemp seeds & goji berries, a couple of weeks ago I was practically on a liquid diet, and last week was quiche. Lately it's been yogurt by itself, or cereal (Ugh, a splurge. TJ's version of Cheerios with Coconut Milk tastes like the non-marshmallow bits in Lucky Charms, yum! Plus doesn't mess with my stomach too badly.)

So anyways, the appointment went well. So out of it I kept forgetting I was there to pick up my disability form, too. Doc did take me off the anti-viral due to the anemia, but said I could cut back and taper when I told him I do get worse when I don't take it. Very scary for me. The prospect of being stuck in bed sick alone again, with how filthy this place is already definitely worries me, but must live in the present.

The appointment bummed me out for the day though. I didn't sleep well at all at Mom's due to my neck issues, forgetting meds, & bad pillows, so I guess I didn't have my armor up yet. My doctor is great, I always feel grateful for the validation he gives my illnesses, it's always a relief not to have a doctor/medical professional look at me warily or skeptically, but at the same time I feel SO angry that "the man" doesn't seem to give a damn about all the suffering we are enduring, and doesn't help people like my doctor or myself find a way to fix things and make us well again. Plus, the usual review of symptoms, like I've said, I seemed to have formed some kind of survival mechanism that allows me to negate the bad and focus on the good. Acceptance would be an improvement, I know, and I've come a LONG way there, but I still am not quite at the optimal level of acceptance, haha.

The idea of going home to be alone again with all my frustrations took me down even further, but I managed to take a tiny nap, watch a bunch of shows on the DVR, and then my favorites, some foreign dramas (thank you universe for the internet, globalization, and allowing a culturophile(?!?) like me to watch LIVE streaming TV direct from South America. Hey, my Mom pays for them on Sattelite, but it's a ripoff because they don't even have the same lineup, they pick & choose & custom tailor it for those living abroad, grrr.)

Mom tried to get me to stay, the usual craziness where she acts like it would put her out immensely to have me over for more than a day or two, which is really annoying because I genuinely just want to be at home, and then she doesn't want me to leave! I was tired and tempted, but I have a ANOTHER doctor's appointment tomorrow and can't handle another day on no decent sleep...

So yep, that's me, part-time professional patient. Curious to hear the results of the MMA & Folic Acid tests, and hoping they have some news about my referrals. Can't remember if I mentioned it, but the PA was a doll, had me my referrals before a week was up, but the ahem (!) kind folks at the county insurance plan dealio sent them back with approvals for doctors that don't even take their coverage! 4 Phone calls (and as many touch-tone receptionists) to find out I can't see any of them... I think I found a way to expedite things and get what I need, but I have to call. Calls, calls, calls. I'm grateful, oh so grateful I can manage those now at least...

Well, glorious sleep on comfy pillows calls...wish me luck!

A couple of great days...

Thursday (I think) Friday and Saturday were GREAT days. I guess I can't quite say I felt normal, but close enough to it that I'd take it any time if it's the best I could get to it. I ran errands. Lots and lots of errands. Mostly involving groceries.

I started my cat on raw foods, because I'm afraid she might be sick, she's been overweight for ages, no matter what diet food I've tried, and she's getting up there in years. First thing I saw when I Googled holistic treatments for cats was feeding a raw diet, and I'd wanted to do that years ago anyways, only I only had a mini-fridge at the time w/not much of a freezer to keep the food in. She took to it really well, and as morbid as it seems, especially with my being a strict lacto-ovo vegetarian of 10+ years. But it just seems right. It's only been about 50 years or so since the barns they used to hunt mice in disappeared and fewer since they became relegated to yards, and now, indoors only, like my baby. I still remember the days when gifts of birds, mice, and lizards were left on our doormats as offerings from our little hunters...

So along with the obvious changes I've seen from changing my own diet to include more raw and unprocessed foods, it really seemed like the right thing to do for her.

As for me, I went a little buck-wild on the sweets this weekend. Week, actually! Oddly, that's when my energy went up. BUT, it also caused the worst flare up of my IC symptoms I've had since January or so. I really believe there's a tie-in between IC and Candida. Before I had it, when my mother was suffering from it, I found and had her doctor put her on a treatment that included Diflucan (an anti-fungal) for a few weeks, and tons of probiotics, and she's been far better off since. She also notices sugar seems to set it off. And while I was sticking stictly to the Body Ecology Diet, my IC symptoms were pretty much managed except for some premenstrual flare ups.

Well I started back on it, and I'm back to itching like crazy, like I did at the beginning (I'm assuming for die off of the candida fed by my sugar binges) and my energy has plummetted so much that I was just now having to remind myself to breathe because it seemed like so much effort...But I'm going to get back to business. I'd lost over ten pounds...and if I can stick with it eventually the detox will taper down and I hope to feel like I did the past few days for far longer!
Saturday I went to 3 different stores AND the beach! Maybe I'll post pictures later! :)

B.E.D. Notes

Now that I'm comfy (or getting there) in bed, I remembered I did want to note a couple of things about my Body Ecology Diet experience.

First, still itching on all four quadrants of my body, elbows, knees, random areas. Also some burning behind my knees. Not as bad as before though.

Also, I'm toying with an idea. I was reading an article on the B.E.D. website about adrenal fatigue, and it struck me that one of the things I have not tried that is mentioned all over in regards to adrenal fatigue is going to bed early!!!!!

Well, that just has never been easy for me. Even when working, and run down by a flare of FM/relapse of CFS, 11pm was early for me. But I keep reading that the adrenals do the most repair between 9pm and 1am. Sigh...

On the bright side, I am waking up early more often these days. And I do now have all my meds that will help me sleep again...maybe it's worth a try, to start aiming for, say... 11pm?

My gut tells me this adrenal thing is a big deal w/me...not just my gut, experience. I've had problems retaining electrolytes, my pupils act weird, the whoel POTS low/orthostatic bp problems, the fact that I've been given adrenal supplements before and been helped by them when nothing else was working, and that I can't handle ANY kind of stress these days. (It's not lost on me that having a roof over my head that it's not my responsibility to pay for, I could be doing so much with my time and what little energy I had...only I have no energy and I get overwhelmed by the most ridiculous things...even stuff I love and was looking forward to doing...)

So maybe it's worth a shot...

A little bit of peace, brain scatter, and my remedy for a killer sinus headache

I'm feeling silly right now, not sure why. But in a good way. I'm home alone, sitting at the dining room table sipping some Yogi Detox Tea, and for some reason, right now, that is enough. All is well with the world.

Just a couple of hours ago I was near the desperate edge of misery fighting off an excruciating sinus headache. Yep, the allergies are back with a vengeance. It seems what was doing the trick were all the enzymes I was taking, and I had to lay off them during my monthly cycle, because if I don't bad stuff happens. (I won't gross you out w/any more details.)
What is this miracle allergy cure I've discovered? (Well not a cure, but pretty damn close!) Well, I have been taking a supplement called Inflatrol, which contains Papain, Bromelain, and Quercetin (of which the first two help by thinning secretions, i.e., mucous/phlegm, and the third works as an anti-histamine) along with a negligible amount of Vitamin C, and Ginger and Turmeric, two potent antioxidant/anti-inflammatories. That helps a bit. But the last couple of weeks on this diet, I've been taking another digestive enzyme formula as well (it was free, and it contains pancreatin, along with other ingredients which aid in digestion, including some more papain & bromelain). But what I think has really been the key is the Natto I've been eating, which contains Nattokinase. I've noticed the difference right away whenever I have some of the gooey stuff. So yay for the Body Ecology Diet! (I'd heard of Natto awhile back, actually been taking Nattokinase supplements to help keep my Endometriosis in check for awhile on & off, but it wasn't until I heard Donna Gates' Liver Cleanse protocol that I decided to try the icky sounding stuff. As gooey and slightly icky as it is, I can't seem to keep away from it; my body just seems to love it. The protein from the fermented soy beans seems to do be me good, plus it's not as heavy as Tempeh, and seems to help digest whatever else I eat with it.

So today, as I was having a rather unpleasant reminder of just how awful allergies can be (I had no energy, brain fog up the yazoo, although only slightly worsened by the allergies, and I was starting to feel fluey, feverish, heavy-headed and just plain miserable. And oh yeah, the sinus headache felt like my forehead/skull were being pried in two. That bad!) when I decided to say screw it, and get back on the enzymes. First, I had some Natto, whipped up with some gluten-free Tamari, some Nori flakes, and a side of cultured veggies. (I know that sounds totally gross, but I feel compelled to eat it! Almost, even, maybe...LIKE it!)

In slight desperation, while out running errands, I'd taken a pseudoephedrine (decongestant that is an upper, sometimes sets off my POTS, or makes me very restless and cranky) but that wasn't helping, neither was my nasal spray, so I gave in and did a sinus rinse (I cannot get used to that whole deal!) and what a relief right there...well about halfway... Next I took a couple of acetominophen (paracetomol for those in Europe or outside the U.S.) and some ginger tea (in hopes of it acting as an anti-inflammatory. I also sucked on some chewable enzymes (about $3 a Trader Joe's, great for when you forget to take the non-chewable kind in time, and in this case, for liquifying & loosening phlegm clogging up your sinuses. I knew it wouldn't all help instantly, so in the meantime, to keep any more allergens from entering my poor nose, I coated it with Vicks Vapo-Rub and trapped the vapors inside w/cotton. An hour later, much better.

Now if I could just get my attention span back...I can barely even seem to write an e-mail, much less chat or Tweet...can't even seem to watch a DVD...To think I used to be the Queen of Multi-tasking...not much hope trying to do anything useful until that improves a bit...

In the meantime, I'm going to rev up the detox tea and water w/lemon, since I seem to be out of Vitamin C, and it just occurred to me that the reason they keep saying to sip water w/lemon is possibly partly at least because of the Vitamin C in the lemon...good for energy...well off I go to throw my hippie self into a reclining position, back's so tired!

Oh wait! Speaking of back!
The rheumy I saw yesterday called and left me a message that she looked at my MRI report (uh, that's what I gave it to her yesterday! Shouldn't she have done that then?) and I have some issues w/my spine that cause pain so she's going to refer me to a pain management doctor and there's an injection that they can put in my spine to help with that.

!!!?!!!?

Hmm. Needle. Spine. I'm not in THAT much pain!
I actually feel grateful, because my pain is actually not constant, and even though it's been worse this past year than it has been in awhile, I know if I could just afford to see a chiropractor I could get it under control, probably completely, plus some physical therapy to strengthen it and get rid of those trigger points I always get...

Maybe she didn't believe me that 30 Vicodin last me at least 3 months... I know that stuff is addictive and if I don't have anywhere important to be or anything to do, I'd rather ride it out in bed w/my trusty ol' heating pad, unless it gets really bad. Other than that, I only take them when I have something to do, like drive...go to family function, etc. and being out for a couple of months and detoxing my body w/this diet has made me want to take them even less frequently. (Not to mention people close to me abusing Rx meds or becoming dependent on them! Still enough of a control freak there that I couldn't stand to have a drug controlling me.)
Fun stuff when you're poor and have a pain condition! One doctor alternates between pushing pills I don't need (which I declined!) and then warning me they're addictive, another tells me if I should lose my bottle I won't get a refill! I miss my old doctors. They knew me, had access to all my med records for the last several years, and never made me feel like a drug seeking addict. Ah, well. Someday I shall know the joys of private insurance again! Or not need pain meds other than Tylenol! I know the day will come.:)

Cheered Up!

It's been bugging me for weeks, actually months now, that I really need to post an update! I've been feeling in much better spirits for most of the year now, and I suspect part of what kept me from posting was an irrational fear of bursting the bubble...

I think it's safe to say now that as the year is more than a quarter over, the time has come, so here goes...

Things are good. The downward dragging arms of depression have let up. I don't have very many down, down days like I used to last year. If that's because the holidays are over, or just because my mood-dictating chemicals are re-setting themselves, I don't know.

I've been taking Epivir for 3 months now, and I noticed the difference, at least in my immune system, almost from the beginning. (Although at the very beginning, I did get sicker, I had a stomach flu, i.e., an Enterovirus flare-up that lasted for almost 3 weeks; I could barely eat solid foods, but happily, I needed badly to lose weight) In late January, or early February I came down with a sinus infection, but unlike last year, when one after another had me stuck in bed, achey, feverish, and feeling completely sick and miserable. This time, I barely felt sick. I only suspected I was because of persistent sinus headaches, and the fact that I was spitting up practically pure blood from my nose when I did my sinus rinses...
Anyhow, once treated, I recovered quickly and haven't been ill since. The only other difference I've noticed is I feel sleepy a lot sincee I started the Epivir, as opposed to just exhausted. Despite that, I think I am very slowly but surely gaining stamina.

The other change I've made healthwise, is starting the Body Ecology Diet.

I started it slowly, first working on incorporating foods from it into my existing lacto-ovo vegetarian diet. But I found it easier than I thought, and noticed the difference. My stomach had been bothering me a lot...besides acid reflux that needed constant acid reducers and antacids, I felt bloated and uncomfortable often, even nauseous at times, and I noticed that this also seemed to affect my Interstitial Cystitis symptoms. Once I started incorporating Body Ecology's "seed-like grains", things got much better, and when I ate my old diet things acted up right away again, so I decided to make it a full-time endeavor, even if minus some of the more expensive, difficult sounding foods, such as Young Coconut Kefir and Culutured vegetables.

Things were going great, I lost more weight and starte feeling SO much better about myself, my stomach flattened out so much that my seatbelt in the car didn't bother me anymore; in fact it barely touched my stomach.

Unfortunately in the last weeks I found myself cheating a bit and right before Easter I'd gone gung-ho, inclucing foods like Kimchi, Coconut Kefir (I made my own using a bottle of store-bought YCK as a starter with my own Young Green Coconut water. It worked like a dream! And way cheaper than buying the culture.) and even Natto. I started itching a bit, apparently from die-off or detox...but I got that under control...until I chated again on Easter weekend, and then the itch got insane, like crazy-making...but I read up on it, and came to the conclusion that it's my liver detoxing, probably must more quickly because of the new foods, decrease in grains, and increase in raw veggies.

The one amazing thing that has occured in the last couple of weeks, is that my allergies seem to be disappearing. They're still there, but instead of in the form of asthma attacks, itchy eyes (which respond to ahti-histamines) and excruciating nasal congestion so bad I can barely breath, and excruciating sinus headaches (which don't fully respond) I find myself with very mild nasal congestion, and an occasionally runny nose!

I find myself loving SALADs (yup, I'm one of those vegetarians who hardly eats veggies, subsisting mostly on grains, albeit whole, and protein) and rediscovering the joys of other veggies, raw and cooked. Sometimes my stomach feels a little grumpy, and I feel it asking me for some raw veggies. I eat a salad, or even a simple celery stick, and it becomes relaxed, light, and happy.

So good stuff lately... I've been keeping to myself, but I've stopped minding it. Trying to have a social life right now is just TOO much work. I'll happily spend my weekend nights at home with the laptop and my cable, or visiting my Mom and taking it easy at her place. I no longer seen the point in going out to drink so I can feel like a normal person for a few hours and feel miserable for 2 days. I haven't give up on living, but I don't mind waiting until my time comes again, as I'm sure it will. In the meantime, thid diet is one thing I can do to take care of me, and I have confidence that it will continue to improve my health. I'm also trying to bolster my adrenals a bit, as I still feel overwhelmed about nothing far too much of the time, and I'm hoping I can at least go back to school in the Fall. To think that it's been 2 years already...2 years in which I could have transfered to the university nearby with the great Writing Program...well, I don't beat myself up or get angry these days. I haven't been up for it, and that's that. One day perhaps but now, I just want to find some kind of peace, and I'm getting there.