This has been one of my toughest weeks. Besides some very stressful goings on, I've had the worst flares I can remember in years, that is, that I didn't cause by doing something stupid. (Namely, going to a concert, and deciding to take horseback riding lessons, both of which had me laid up for a few days each.)Okay, well it wasn't completely not my fault...
Yup folks, this time, I had the gall to try and pick up a box of cat litter, and lift my own laundry basket into the cart to take it to the laundry room. Growing up with the whole attitude of "if any boy can do it, so can I" and having been a long-distance runner as a teen, & bench pressed more than my own weight in high school, I still feel slightly defensive asking for help with stuff like that. No matter what, there's always a voice in the back of my mind whispering "Sissy! Wimp! Girly-girl!" Ah, just another one of the many internal conflicts that come with Fibro for me. Intellectually, I know I need the help, and it's okay to ask, but deep down, I still feel like I'm being a baby.
Still, this week, there wasn't really any way around it. I had the store person put it in the cart for me, had someone help me to my car...but I wasn't speaking to the one person who could help. So that's what I get.
Hopefully, going to the gym will help strengthen my muscles a bit more. I just hate that it takes so long! You have to be sooo careful and take it so easy exercising with Fibro. Far from the no pain no gain attitude I learned as a kid (hmm... now I'm wondering if maybe I was in more pain than everyone else during track tryouts, lol! Different theories on how FM works. Some say it's triggered, some say it was always there...I did seem to have more than my share of growing pains...)
The only solution seems to be to keep at it always, but with all the upheaval in my life the last few years (sometimes I just don't have the energy...or I've got too much on my plate to risk overdoing it at the gym and not being able to take care of other business) coupled with flares where it's just not feasible (yeah, not going to the gym with heart palpitations, dizziness, & orthostatic hypotension, lol) that's been nearly impossible.
Still, I'm hoping this year will become the year when I will truly, finally, just be able to concentrate on taking care of myself.
Oh, the good news? I got the Ashwagandha, and it I could tell the difference in my ability to handle stress almost immediately, I knew it was diminished, but I hadn't fathomed just how much it was hampering me, how much overwhelm it was causing and how much that was slowing me down, so that's great. (Curious what my cortisol levels are like these days. They were on the low side almost two years ago...and these have been the two most stressful years of my life!)
Second, I just got the form back from my doctor which will allow me to get reduced rates for electricity! I can't wait to see just how much of a difference that makes, because the cold really kills my muscles, pain I can control so easily is one more stressor I could do without! (Hardly seems to matter how I bundle up, it's like my body senses the cold beyond the layers somehow, and I can feel the sting way deep inside my muscles. Ow.)
I've been feeling bad about running up the bill, but darnit, this is America. We don't go without heat or cooling just because it costs money. I mean, that's why we have it, so we won't BE cold. Or hot.
(That was one of my biggest shocks in visiting South America. I couldn't even fathom how someone would build a beautiful, custom built house and not install central heating in a place where it rains nearly every single day in December, and the temps are in the 40s...What can I say? Spoiled I guess. Maybe I could've handled it more gracefully if it didn't get me sick and keep me in constant pain? Or I'd at least had painkillers.Thank gawd for thermal waters. Dying to find some here!)
Oh. One more good thing. Finally going to be able to send for a 3 months supply of my anti-viral medicine from Hong Kong. Maybe it'll last longer, actually, since the doc had me cut back because I was feeling like I was getting the flu every single day, actually, more like 6 months supply then! Wooo!
Oh, and I did get the flares under control had to give the painkillers more time to work, up dosage a little. Muscle relaxer that I usually take at night helped a ton too, got desperate and took it earlier. (I guess more proof than stress/tension causes pain.)I went ahead & filled my last Gabapentin (Neurontin)rx, too, because I realized the pain made my cognitive dyfunction worse anyways, so if it would help, a couple of doses of Neurontin might not be so bad. It just made me think how awful it is that there are people out there w/FM & other conditions who have no choice but to take it constantly...And ask myself, what I would do in that situation. I guess if you have a choice of being loopy and being in pain, and being slightly loopier and being pain-free...it's pretty obvious which is preferable.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Bad flare
I woke up emotionally drained, and by the time I'd been up for an hour I proceeded to emotionally exhausted. I also woke up with back pain. Usually, I don't wake up in pain. Well...stiff, and sore, but I don't count that. This was real, not going away even if you get out of bed & off your back back pain. I even got desperate and slathered on the hospital strength arthritis cream, but it wasn't enough.
I thought it was from all the stress, and maybe partly, but I'd forgotten that I lifted a couple of things I normally wouldn't yesterday, because there was no one around I wanted to ask for help. OUCH. Definitely was not being a wimp by asking before...Can't wait to start at the gym! It's going to be even less than I thought! I just have to go sign the papers to get started, so excited, especially about the sauna!
So anyhow, by evening the back pain had progressed to all over flare pain, especially bad in my neck. And it's so hard to get the heating pad around your neck...
But I have a secret weapon. It's very fancy. So fancy, I made it myself. A tube sock, filled with uncooked rice, some chamomile, and lavender oil, and tied off with a ribbon. Stuck it in the microwave for a minute, and voila! Nice. So warm. Sat down on my shiatsu massager.
Only it still didn't help. (Heat seems to be helping less & less lately, dunno why!)
I got so sensitive, too, the weight of the pad was hurting. But I was determined to get out, and right when I was thinking I needed to pick up some Thermacare hotpacks, I found one just sitting around. It was a different brand, can't find it right now, but I know it was way cheaper, and actually better, longer, fit around my neck & down my chest a bit, which was great because the little muscles there felt all cramped up.
It still hurt though. Finally after I got back from dropping off some books/DVDs at the library and trying to get a Thai Iced Tea to cheer me up and failing cuz I forgot my wallet (the pain was really interfering w/my thinking!) the muscle relaxer I'd taken as a last resort kicked in and I started feeling better.
Still, I need something for the stress, it's been too much. I'm to worn down. It's like my cortisol is so screwed up I go from 0 stress to 10 in an instant, and it's too much. I think I'm going to start taking this lovely herb called Ashwagandha again, even though it seemed to flare up the Endo problems. I first read about this herb, while doing a search for herbal treatments for FM & CFS a couple of years back. It is really amazing. I totally noticed how things that had formerly gotten me all stressed out, well, I'd feel the stress start to go up, but it would quickly hit a wall and peter back down to normal, such a relief.
The article I'd read said that people w/CFS should take that, and Kava Kava, and avoid stress at all costs for 4-6 months. Even if that were possible, dunno if it would work, but the Ashwagandha helped. (It's an adaptogenic herb, goes where your body needs it most, helps control stress/cortisol levels, gives energy while calming. Probably wouldn't have made it through my last "real" job without it.)
So here's a link to an article about it in case any of you are interested:
http://www.naturalherbsguide.com/ashwagandha.html
From: http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?id=5115&t=CFIDS_FM
"Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha root, also known as winter cherry or Indian ginseng, is an important herb from the Ayurvedic or Indian system of medicine. Ashwagandha has been traditionally used for the treatment of debility, emaciation, impotence, and premature aging.(7) This dietary supplement is used to enhance mental and physical performance, improve learning ability, and decrease stress and fatigue. Ashwagandha is a general tonic to be used in stressful situations, especially insomnia, overwork, nervousness, restlessness, and chronic fatigue syndrome.(8)"
Oh, and yes, I did say it's good for calming AND for energy!
More here:
http://www.althealth.co.uk/help_and_advice/supplements/ashwagandha/
Quickly reversing the progress against pain by sitting here, so I'm gonna go...
I thought it was from all the stress, and maybe partly, but I'd forgotten that I lifted a couple of things I normally wouldn't yesterday, because there was no one around I wanted to ask for help. OUCH. Definitely was not being a wimp by asking before...Can't wait to start at the gym! It's going to be even less than I thought! I just have to go sign the papers to get started, so excited, especially about the sauna!
So anyhow, by evening the back pain had progressed to all over flare pain, especially bad in my neck. And it's so hard to get the heating pad around your neck...
But I have a secret weapon. It's very fancy. So fancy, I made it myself. A tube sock, filled with uncooked rice, some chamomile, and lavender oil, and tied off with a ribbon. Stuck it in the microwave for a minute, and voila! Nice. So warm. Sat down on my shiatsu massager.
Only it still didn't help. (Heat seems to be helping less & less lately, dunno why!)
I got so sensitive, too, the weight of the pad was hurting. But I was determined to get out, and right when I was thinking I needed to pick up some Thermacare hotpacks, I found one just sitting around. It was a different brand, can't find it right now, but I know it was way cheaper, and actually better, longer, fit around my neck & down my chest a bit, which was great because the little muscles there felt all cramped up.
It still hurt though. Finally after I got back from dropping off some books/DVDs at the library and trying to get a Thai Iced Tea to cheer me up and failing cuz I forgot my wallet (the pain was really interfering w/my thinking!) the muscle relaxer I'd taken as a last resort kicked in and I started feeling better.
Still, I need something for the stress, it's been too much. I'm to worn down. It's like my cortisol is so screwed up I go from 0 stress to 10 in an instant, and it's too much. I think I'm going to start taking this lovely herb called Ashwagandha again, even though it seemed to flare up the Endo problems. I first read about this herb, while doing a search for herbal treatments for FM & CFS a couple of years back. It is really amazing. I totally noticed how things that had formerly gotten me all stressed out, well, I'd feel the stress start to go up, but it would quickly hit a wall and peter back down to normal, such a relief.
The article I'd read said that people w/CFS should take that, and Kava Kava, and avoid stress at all costs for 4-6 months. Even if that were possible, dunno if it would work, but the Ashwagandha helped. (It's an adaptogenic herb, goes where your body needs it most, helps control stress/cortisol levels, gives energy while calming. Probably wouldn't have made it through my last "real" job without it.)
So here's a link to an article about it in case any of you are interested:
http://www.naturalherbsguide.com/ashwagandha.html
From: http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?id=5115&t=CFIDS_FM
"Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha root, also known as winter cherry or Indian ginseng, is an important herb from the Ayurvedic or Indian system of medicine. Ashwagandha has been traditionally used for the treatment of debility, emaciation, impotence, and premature aging.(7) This dietary supplement is used to enhance mental and physical performance, improve learning ability, and decrease stress and fatigue. Ashwagandha is a general tonic to be used in stressful situations, especially insomnia, overwork, nervousness, restlessness, and chronic fatigue syndrome.(8)"
Oh, and yes, I did say it's good for calming AND for energy!
More here:
http://www.althealth.co.uk/help_and_advice/supplements/ashwagandha/
Quickly reversing the progress against pain by sitting here, so I'm gonna go...
Free Stuff
Free Month Blockbuster 3 @ a Time Membership Promo Code: face1m
Just remember they track by e-mail, address, and credit card, so if you've had one before, with one of the above, you won't be able to get it using the same one. (Read between the lines, lol.)
Just remember they track by e-mail, address, and credit card, so if you've had one before, with one of the above, you won't be able to get it using the same one. (Read between the lines, lol.)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Night at the Movies
Had a rough day emotionally, so treated myself to a night at the movies, and saw Australia. Beautiful, inspiring movie. Made me want to drive cattle through the Australian Outback. But wait, I'm a vegetarian. Okay. Maybe run off to a dangerous country and deliver humanitarian aid and kick asses of people who use systematic rape as a weapon.
Yes, I decided I'm NOT going to be sick anymore, plain and simple. I WILL go out and be the badass chick I planned on being, save the world or something. Oh wait. I try that just about every day. Hmm.
So instead I'm thinking, I'm gonna get me a timer.A loud, annoying kitchen one. I'll work for an hour, and then lie down and rest on my heating pad for 15 minutes, then do it again a couple of times. I figure if I can manage to work for 3 hours a day, things can be far more bearable.
I have no idea if it'll work, my usual thing is that I kind of randomly get on a roll, and then I go with it until I can't, think, can't take the pain anymore or am feeling too ill.
But New Year, new things...
Besides, I got a financial assistance scholarship at the YMCA. so maybe that will help build up stamina, kill more infection in the sauna. Can't wait to get started w/that. I think my calves are caving in, no lie. They hurt when I went out. Okay, so maybe it was the cold. But they ARE practically non-existent...Maybe then I can give the horseback riding lessons another try, too. Such an amazing feeling. Unfortunately, muscles are so weak, they shook just from holding the reins up, and I was in full-body pain and barely able to walk for 5 days from the jostling. Maybe it won't be so bad if I'm in better shape.
Off to walkabout in dreamland...
Yes, I decided I'm NOT going to be sick anymore, plain and simple. I WILL go out and be the badass chick I planned on being, save the world or something. Oh wait. I try that just about every day. Hmm.
So instead I'm thinking, I'm gonna get me a timer.A loud, annoying kitchen one. I'll work for an hour, and then lie down and rest on my heating pad for 15 minutes, then do it again a couple of times. I figure if I can manage to work for 3 hours a day, things can be far more bearable.
I have no idea if it'll work, my usual thing is that I kind of randomly get on a roll, and then I go with it until I can't, think, can't take the pain anymore or am feeling too ill.
But New Year, new things...
Besides, I got a financial assistance scholarship at the YMCA. so maybe that will help build up stamina, kill more infection in the sauna. Can't wait to get started w/that. I think my calves are caving in, no lie. They hurt when I went out. Okay, so maybe it was the cold. But they ARE practically non-existent...Maybe then I can give the horseback riding lessons another try, too. Such an amazing feeling. Unfortunately, muscles are so weak, they shook just from holding the reins up, and I was in full-body pain and barely able to walk for 5 days from the jostling. Maybe it won't be so bad if I'm in better shape.
Off to walkabout in dreamland...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Endometriosis, FM, CFS, & Other Autoimmune Illnesses
Been meaning to post it for weeks, the tab's been open in my browser so long I can't take it anymore, lol, so I hope you don't feel bombarded:
US researchers find endometriosis associated with wide range of diseases
I thought I had Endometriosis. At this point, I'm not sure because my current doctor says Enteroviruses attack the Ovaries & Testes as well, pulled up the report from the surgery I had to have some of it removed and read it to me, and it actually seemed like it they weren't positive what it was.
On the other hand, no one seems to be quite sure how Endometriosis happens or what causes it...so it seems to me it's possible it COULD be Endometriosis, and it may just turn out that Endometriosis is actually caused by an infection...
I do know for sure that it does seem to respond to hormones, becoming way better when I was taking natural progesterone, and way worse when I was taking DHEA...
US researchers find endometriosis associated with wide range of diseases
I thought I had Endometriosis. At this point, I'm not sure because my current doctor says Enteroviruses attack the Ovaries & Testes as well, pulled up the report from the surgery I had to have some of it removed and read it to me, and it actually seemed like it they weren't positive what it was.
On the other hand, no one seems to be quite sure how Endometriosis happens or what causes it...so it seems to me it's possible it COULD be Endometriosis, and it may just turn out that Endometriosis is actually caused by an infection...
I do know for sure that it does seem to respond to hormones, becoming way better when I was taking natural progesterone, and way worse when I was taking DHEA...
About 5-HTP from Author Miryam Ehrlich Williamson
Here is an older (but interesting) article I found last night about 5-HTP, which I'm currently taking. I'd read that it's better not to take more than 50-100mg a day, but as long as you're not taking other anti-depressants maybe it is okay to go higher.
http://users.wildblue.net/wmson/5-htp.htm
http://users.wildblue.net/wmson/5-htp.htm
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)