The Temp Sensitivity Swings Both Ways!

I'm in Southern California, and have found myself feeling pretty let down by the weather so far this year! Very few sunny days. 2 in a row this week, and I feel lucky! Yes, I did say I live in California! But that has happened before, and just when I was getting comfortable enough to turn off the thermostat, it got cold again!
Not drastically, but enough so that I found myself suddenly waking up very uncomfortable and achey on a regular basis (to the point of not wanting to move) something that hadn't happened since late last Fall, when I realized turning the thermostat up to around 72 degrees kept me from having to wake up to a subtle but all-encompassing ache and discomfort every morning.

Yup, you may not read it in many places, but those of us with Fibromyalgia/or CFS will tell you, we are very sensitive to temperature.

Now, if this sunshine continues, the problem begins to be the opposite, as I found this morning...Just a slight bit too warm, and I wake up feeling feverish and groggy. It doesn't take much...I'd bet it wasn't more than 77 degrees in there, but it was enough to make me wake up and groggily scramble to turn on the fan!

Still, I so hope to be able to enjoy some sun this summer! Once I cooled down, that was what I most wanted to do today. Like last summer, to make up for the lack of sun the year before, I decided to use a self-tanner yesterday. (No, no pricey products for me, my trusty self tanner is a generic version of Neutrogena's from every broke Fibrogrrl's fav store, the 99 cents Only Store, lol. It works great though.)

I woke up today with a glorious simulated tan...and I felt poolside-ready. Only problem? No car!!!!

I contemplated riding my bike to the pool, but had too much to take, wasn't sure I'd make it or if I'd be up for the ride home later if I did. So I hoped for the best. And hoped. And hoped! Dad didn't get home till nearly 5, and by then there was a very cool breeze outside, and I was feeling exhausted. (Which sucks even worse when you've not done a thing to earn it!)

I am counting the days until July. In July I'm taking off! I've been planning since May... I just can't take how stressed I get here, how lonely and stifled I feel. You'd think not working I could at least get to take advantage of it, but that's seemingly impossible w/o my car. Case in point, went to visit my Mom this week. Was dead tired. Hardly managed to do any of what she needed/I wanted/she wanted to do...and then I was bone dead tired and couldn't bear to drive home Sunday night. So I stayed, but anxious the entire time knowing I had to get home.
So I'm stuck here, home alone in a Sr. Community, with not much to do but get tired, which is a bummer because if I'm going to feel miserably tired I'd at least like to have it broken up by spending some time around friends or other family members! As it is, w/the time I have to do that in a leisurely manner, I might as well be working. Which leaves me more time to think about that, and fight off many other sour thoughts, lol. I mean, I'm not talking going out & partying w/my friends & staying over at my girlfriend's. Those days are long over. It'd just be nice to be able to visit friends & family who live a little further away & enjoy it.

Anyhow, so I was feeling particularly stressed (about certain chaotic things that are out of my control, about being "exiled" in the OC, and dying for a breath of fresh air outside these suffocating walls) and decided, if what it will probably take to get my car "back" (ah yes, my Dad lets me live with him, but c'mon a month that turns into 6+ twice, and 50k+ miles on the only item of value I have left? It's a bit much. And makes me sad, and angry, and is another reason I need to not be here, so I can quit dealing with that sort of insanity and hating my body even more for letting me down and being angry at the world, myself, and stuff...ahh, rambling, but see what I mean?) I need a vacation, even if it means the dreaded couch-surfing I moved here to avoid...At least it will be willingly...and hopefully, even with the increasing brain fog of late, and the oversensitive nervous system, it will do me some good to be around people going about their daily business. (These days, I'm mostly over the huge complex I had about not being able to work, but I still find myself feeling like a bit of an outcast and being around people going about their daily business seems ridiculously enjoyable! Seriously! Take me with you to pick up the kids from school, or let me hang out while you run some errand, go to the park/mall/etc. and wooo! I'm part of the world! lol. Silly but true.)What I wouldn't give to live around the corner from my cousins who have kids and help them out sometimes. I guess if I can't live my own life, at least I could be part of theirs...

Ah, but things are looking steadily up...the more time goes by the less time I have to wait for my SSDI case to be approved, even if it's anywhere from 1 month to 1 year, I'm closer. And then I will have money to start putting my life in order, making everything just so...(i.e. allow my inner anal freak to organize things "how they're supposed to be") or at least as close as to what I'd planned as I wanted, or the modified chronic illness-accommodated version of it. I can be on my own again, I can seek the appropriate treatments to improve my health, I can find a way to break my life free of this ice block it's been caught in and move forward towards my future, whatever it contains...a degree so I can be a "sexy librarian" (lol! j/k!)or start writing articles on health, music, or that book I can't seem to get out; some foster kids to adopt or just love and hopefully help guide onto a good path, or just a good if somewhat still chronically health-challenged life filled with good, positive people who can be my "tribe"...Definitely need one of those :)

Cuddle You!

Absolutely adored this story, it's so true about the effect a doggie can have on you, even if they're not specially trained to help or offer soothing portable heat!

The Cuddle Cure

What a week! SOME good news though...

This has been one of my toughest weeks. Besides some very stressful goings on, I've had the worst flares I can remember in years, that is, that I didn't cause by doing something stupid. (Namely, going to a concert, and deciding to take horseback riding lessons, both of which had me laid up for a few days each.)Okay, well it wasn't completely not my fault...

Yup folks, this time, I had the gall to try and pick up a box of cat litter, and lift my own laundry basket into the cart to take it to the laundry room. Growing up with the whole attitude of "if any boy can do it, so can I" and having been a long-distance runner as a teen, & bench pressed more than my own weight in high school, I still feel slightly defensive asking for help with stuff like that. No matter what, there's always a voice in the back of my mind whispering "Sissy! Wimp! Girly-girl!" Ah, just another one of the many internal conflicts that come with Fibro for me. Intellectually, I know I need the help, and it's okay to ask, but deep down, I still feel like I'm being a baby.

Still, this week, there wasn't really any way around it. I had the store person put it in the cart for me, had someone help me to my car...but I wasn't speaking to the one person who could help. So that's what I get.

Hopefully, going to the gym will help strengthen my muscles a bit more. I just hate that it takes so long! You have to be sooo careful and take it so easy exercising with Fibro. Far from the no pain no gain attitude I learned as a kid (hmm... now I'm wondering if maybe I was in more pain than everyone else during track tryouts, lol! Different theories on how FM works. Some say it's triggered, some say it was always there...I did seem to have more than my share of growing pains...)
The only solution seems to be to keep at it always, but with all the upheaval in my life the last few years (sometimes I just don't have the energy...or I've got too much on my plate to risk overdoing it at the gym and not being able to take care of other business) coupled with flares where it's just not feasible (yeah, not going to the gym with heart palpitations, dizziness, & orthostatic hypotension, lol) that's been nearly impossible.

Still, I'm hoping this year will become the year when I will truly, finally, just be able to concentrate on taking care of myself.

Oh, the good news? I got the Ashwagandha, and it I could tell the difference in my ability to handle stress almost immediately, I knew it was diminished, but I hadn't fathomed just how much it was hampering me, how much overwhelm it was causing and how much that was slowing me down, so that's great. (Curious what my cortisol levels are like these days. They were on the low side almost two years ago...and these have been the two most stressful years of my life!)

Second, I just got the form back from my doctor which will allow me to get reduced rates for electricity! I can't wait to see just how much of a difference that makes, because the cold really kills my muscles, pain I can control so easily is one more stressor I could do without! (Hardly seems to matter how I bundle up, it's like my body senses the cold beyond the layers somehow, and I can feel the sting way deep inside my muscles. Ow.)
I've been feeling bad about running up the bill, but darnit, this is America. We don't go without heat or cooling just because it costs money. I mean, that's why we have it, so we won't BE cold. Or hot.
(That was one of my biggest shocks in visiting South America. I couldn't even fathom how someone would build a beautiful, custom built house and not install central heating in a place where it rains nearly every single day in December, and the temps are in the 40s...What can I say? Spoiled I guess. Maybe I could've handled it more gracefully if it didn't get me sick and keep me in constant pain? Or I'd at least had painkillers.Thank gawd for thermal waters. Dying to find some here!)

Oh. One more good thing. Finally going to be able to send for a 3 months supply of my anti-viral medicine from Hong Kong. Maybe it'll last longer, actually, since the doc had me cut back because I was feeling like I was getting the flu every single day, actually, more like 6 months supply then! Wooo!

Oh, and I did get the flares under control had to give the painkillers more time to work, up dosage a little. Muscle relaxer that I usually take at night helped a ton too, got desperate and took it earlier. (I guess more proof than stress/tension causes pain.)I went ahead & filled my last Gabapentin (Neurontin)rx, too, because I realized the pain made my cognitive dyfunction worse anyways, so if it would help, a couple of doses of Neurontin might not be so bad. It just made me think how awful it is that there are people out there w/FM & other conditions who have no choice but to take it constantly...And ask myself, what I would do in that situation. I guess if you have a choice of being loopy and being in pain, and being slightly loopier and being pain-free...it's pretty obvious which is preferable.