I woke up emotionally drained, and by the time I'd been up for an hour I proceeded to emotionally exhausted. I also woke up with back pain. Usually, I don't wake up in pain. Well...stiff, and sore, but I don't count that. This was real, not going away even if you get out of bed & off your back back pain. I even got desperate and slathered on the hospital strength arthritis cream, but it wasn't enough.
I thought it was from all the stress, and maybe partly, but I'd forgotten that I lifted a couple of things I normally wouldn't yesterday, because there was no one around I wanted to ask for help. OUCH. Definitely was not being a wimp by asking before...Can't wait to start at the gym! It's going to be even less than I thought! I just have to go sign the papers to get started, so excited, especially about the sauna!
So anyhow, by evening the back pain had progressed to all over flare pain, especially bad in my neck. And it's so hard to get the heating pad around your neck...
But I have a secret weapon. It's very fancy. So fancy, I made it myself. A tube sock, filled with uncooked rice, some chamomile, and lavender oil, and tied off with a ribbon. Stuck it in the microwave for a minute, and voila! Nice. So warm. Sat down on my shiatsu massager.
Only it still didn't help. (Heat seems to be helping less & less lately, dunno why!)
I got so sensitive, too, the weight of the pad was hurting. But I was determined to get out, and right when I was thinking I needed to pick up some Thermacare hotpacks, I found one just sitting around. It was a different brand, can't find it right now, but I know it was way cheaper, and actually better, longer, fit around my neck & down my chest a bit, which was great because the little muscles there felt all cramped up.
It still hurt though. Finally after I got back from dropping off some books/DVDs at the library and trying to get a Thai Iced Tea to cheer me up and failing cuz I forgot my wallet (the pain was really interfering w/my thinking!) the muscle relaxer I'd taken as a last resort kicked in and I started feeling better.
Still, I need something for the stress, it's been too much. I'm to worn down. It's like my cortisol is so screwed up I go from 0 stress to 10 in an instant, and it's too much. I think I'm going to start taking this lovely herb called Ashwagandha again, even though it seemed to flare up the Endo problems. I first read about this herb, while doing a search for herbal treatments for FM & CFS a couple of years back. It is really amazing. I totally noticed how things that had formerly gotten me all stressed out, well, I'd feel the stress start to go up, but it would quickly hit a wall and peter back down to normal, such a relief.
The article I'd read said that people w/CFS should take that, and Kava Kava, and avoid stress at all costs for 4-6 months. Even if that were possible, dunno if it would work, but the Ashwagandha helped. (It's an adaptogenic herb, goes where your body needs it most, helps control stress/cortisol levels, gives energy while calming. Probably wouldn't have made it through my last "real" job without it.)
So here's a link to an article about it in case any of you are interested:
http://www.naturalherbsguide.com/ashwagandha.html
From: http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?id=5115&t=CFIDS_FM
"Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha root, also known as winter cherry or Indian ginseng, is an important herb from the Ayurvedic or Indian system of medicine. Ashwagandha has been traditionally used for the treatment of debility, emaciation, impotence, and premature aging.(7) This dietary supplement is used to enhance mental and physical performance, improve learning ability, and decrease stress and fatigue. Ashwagandha is a general tonic to be used in stressful situations, especially insomnia, overwork, nervousness, restlessness, and chronic fatigue syndrome.(8)"
Oh, and yes, I did say it's good for calming AND for energy!
More here:
http://www.althealth.co.uk/help_and_advice/supplements/ashwagandha/
Quickly reversing the progress against pain by sitting here, so I'm gonna go...
Showing posts with label 48 hour backlash. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 48 hour backlash. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
The Evil of Heels, 48-hour Backlash, on Painkillers, and Financial Frustrations
Happy New Year everyone!
I somehow managed to get out to celebrate a bit. I got superstitious after feeling too sick last year, and having the year from HELL. (Had to give up my apartment, moved in with a bitchy roommate, barely made it through school, had to move to a Sr. Community an hour away from the life I'd so painstakingly begun to form, and lost another appeal with the SSA for Disability Insurance. And that was just the major stuff.)
So I did get out this year, though I almost felt too ill at the last minute, but that was because my allergies were acting up. (Definitely allergic to dogs now too, as it turns out. Another consequence of CFS whacking out my immune system.)
I had a pretty good time, especially after the alcohol kicked in. For some reason, alcohol relaxes my muscles, numbs any pain completely, and gives me a ton of energy, all of which makes me very happy while it lasts. It's the next day that it usually kills me. I don't get a hangover, at least not like normal people.
Most of the damage seems to come from the fact that I don't feel the pain. So whereas if I had been sober, I wouldn't have been able to stand even standing in my inch & a half heels for long (I actually did have to sit down after about 5 minutes because my legs were getting shaky and hurting.) After a drink or two, none of that matters. I even had the gall to DANCE a bit in them. (How can you not have dancing at a holiday party?)
Now, I thought by some miracle, I'd escaped the consequences of my actions when I woke up feeling just a little sore today. (For some reason the worst pain of all comes the 2nd day after the offending activity, whether it be pushing a little too hard at the gym, dancing, or slipping & falling.) But by this evening I was feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.
But thank goodness for pain medicine. Until this past year, I hardly ever took it when I didn't have something absolutely pressing to do, usually if I was at home, I'd do everything else possible. But right now, my mood is a little precarious, and the hellishness of a severe flare can push me over to THE DARK SIDE.
Besides. One of the biggest reasons for my enduring the pain was the little voices in my head of people who did not approve of my taking pain medication. Usually people who couldn't take it themselves for one reason or another. (Their body's intolerance to it, or former addiction.)
I've learned to trust myself though, and especially as my pain levels have steadily increased w/the lack of access to chiropractic & other alternative care, I don't need to listen to those little voices anymore because they just don't make sense, and I don't need to justify myself to them.
I knew I'd made the right decision when I found myself making dinner instead of desperately wiggling on my massage chair trying to get all the bad spots and overheating myself to misery on my heating pad, and found my mood lifting back up as I no longer felt the mood crushing effects of my connective tissue burning and aching.
(I'd also carried a heavy backpack to my car, against my better judgment, so my whole upper body was aching too.)
And a good thing, too, because I soon found out that apparently my car insurance has been lapsed for weeks now. It's enough to make me want to work myself into the ground if I have to, just so I have some control over things like that.
I started wondering if maybe I should've pushed harder and tried to do things even if I was feeling super sick, instead of worrying more about taking care of myself at the moment. I tell myself I'm not going back to work because my body just can't take it, I'll just end up sicker. But then stuff like this happens, and I ask myself if maybe I should do it anyhow, because the stress of not knowing if things are being handled as promised is just about as bad...
Of course, then I realize I have been doing the best I can already. It would take too little time to work myself into the ground, not enough time to really make a difference or make it worthwhile, so I better just hang in there for now...
It's okay, I'm still hanging on to my optimism.
I somehow managed to get out to celebrate a bit. I got superstitious after feeling too sick last year, and having the year from HELL. (Had to give up my apartment, moved in with a bitchy roommate, barely made it through school, had to move to a Sr. Community an hour away from the life I'd so painstakingly begun to form, and lost another appeal with the SSA for Disability Insurance. And that was just the major stuff.)
So I did get out this year, though I almost felt too ill at the last minute, but that was because my allergies were acting up. (Definitely allergic to dogs now too, as it turns out. Another consequence of CFS whacking out my immune system.)
I had a pretty good time, especially after the alcohol kicked in. For some reason, alcohol relaxes my muscles, numbs any pain completely, and gives me a ton of energy, all of which makes me very happy while it lasts. It's the next day that it usually kills me. I don't get a hangover, at least not like normal people.
Most of the damage seems to come from the fact that I don't feel the pain. So whereas if I had been sober, I wouldn't have been able to stand even standing in my inch & a half heels for long (I actually did have to sit down after about 5 minutes because my legs were getting shaky and hurting.) After a drink or two, none of that matters. I even had the gall to DANCE a bit in them. (How can you not have dancing at a holiday party?)
Now, I thought by some miracle, I'd escaped the consequences of my actions when I woke up feeling just a little sore today. (For some reason the worst pain of all comes the 2nd day after the offending activity, whether it be pushing a little too hard at the gym, dancing, or slipping & falling.) But by this evening I was feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.
But thank goodness for pain medicine. Until this past year, I hardly ever took it when I didn't have something absolutely pressing to do, usually if I was at home, I'd do everything else possible. But right now, my mood is a little precarious, and the hellishness of a severe flare can push me over to THE DARK SIDE.
Besides. One of the biggest reasons for my enduring the pain was the little voices in my head of people who did not approve of my taking pain medication. Usually people who couldn't take it themselves for one reason or another. (Their body's intolerance to it, or former addiction.)
I've learned to trust myself though, and especially as my pain levels have steadily increased w/the lack of access to chiropractic & other alternative care, I don't need to listen to those little voices anymore because they just don't make sense, and I don't need to justify myself to them.
I knew I'd made the right decision when I found myself making dinner instead of desperately wiggling on my massage chair trying to get all the bad spots and overheating myself to misery on my heating pad, and found my mood lifting back up as I no longer felt the mood crushing effects of my connective tissue burning and aching.
(I'd also carried a heavy backpack to my car, against my better judgment, so my whole upper body was aching too.)
And a good thing, too, because I soon found out that apparently my car insurance has been lapsed for weeks now. It's enough to make me want to work myself into the ground if I have to, just so I have some control over things like that.
I started wondering if maybe I should've pushed harder and tried to do things even if I was feeling super sick, instead of worrying more about taking care of myself at the moment. I tell myself I'm not going back to work because my body just can't take it, I'll just end up sicker. But then stuff like this happens, and I ask myself if maybe I should do it anyhow, because the stress of not knowing if things are being handled as promised is just about as bad...
Of course, then I realize I have been doing the best I can already. It would take too little time to work myself into the ground, not enough time to really make a difference or make it worthwhile, so I better just hang in there for now...
It's okay, I'm still hanging on to my optimism.
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