Sinus Tachycardia & Stuff.

I realized earlier tonight, that although I believed it to be an evil term that doctors have used to dismiss my racing heartrate, I really had no idea what Sinus Tachycardia really meant! So, being me, I had to look it up. (And also being me, I can't understand how I hadn't already? Maybe I did, but in the days when my memory was REALLY bad?) As usual, Wikipedia delivered. (Remember the days when it was actually considered quite an iffy source?)It even mentions POTS in relation to it! So here that is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinus_tachycardia

Nothing much new. My heart isn't pounding as badly now that I'm back on the Beta Blocker, except for when right after I took it today, but I'm guessing that's because the Mestinon was chopped in half & released into my system more quickly then the unbroken Metoprolol pills. I did have a lot of near syncope episodes though, even after the Metoprolol should have taken effect, I think. Definitely noticed an increase in those since I started the Mestinon, although it could just be because it's close to the end of my cycle. Nasty ones, too. If they were to keep up, I think I'd have some of those nasty headaches in my future.

Well. This is going well! I was afraid it wasn't a good time to post, seeing as how I was feeling pretty cranky over not being the slightest bit sleepy. And a little bummed out that my stomach's out of sorts, because I stuffed myself with Spanokopitas a little bit ago. I tried to resist the urge to eat, but I didn't manage. I even had two, yes TWO cups of tea to try and turn off the anxiety, or quell my sweet tooth, or just put me to sleep, but nope! Well, I really didn't eat what I would call a proper dinner...I really can't decide which it was, maybe genuine hunger and then topped off with anxiety that makes me want to stuff myself silly.

Nothing much new. Well, I am doing a lot better with the holidays this year! Maybe because I've been so busy, maybe the peace of having the place to myself, maybe I'm just plain used to it not being a big deal and being broke at this point? I am about $200 in the hole this month, so that sucks, but I'm not all that worried about it. The only difference it really makes is, I feel even less inclined to make the effort to drive to L.A. for Christmas with my Mom & brother. And yes, I'm still annoyed that we can't have it here. I started decorating very nicely; managed to find where some of the decorations were stored.

The foster kitties are quite nice to have around. (Except when they start making too much noise at night, ahem, kitties, you boys had all day to play, to bed!) My allergies aren't doing nearly as bad as I'd feared.

So nice to have time to rest and not forcing myself through the motions like a zombie, trying to get to all my appointments. Last week was light, and this weekend I was just plain lazy, although I did find myself sending a fax to my attorney with some new medical records I got from a previous Primary Care Physician (For free! Yay!) as well as some input from my brother about my health and how it affects my day to day life, and Foreclosure notices for this place. Yup, they're all trying to give me the boot now. I won't budge till I have to, hopefully I'll get till Spring or Summer, so if I have to sleep in my car, I won't be freezing. I guess I'd better start finding out more about transitional housing eventually. I know there's something like that at the place where I go to the clinic, a mission, but not sure how that all works. But then, who knows what the future will bring, I'll cross that bridge when I get a little closer to it. Does that sound a bit Zen? Maybe so, I don't know why, but lately I feel quite Zen. Except when I wake up super-anxious in the mornings, but as far as the overall picture...OHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

PT, Fish & Tea

Well. Today definitely had some rough patches. I've been having that thing happen again where I wake up and can't stay awake, I have to summon all my willpower to try and prop myself up to a semi-sitting position, or else I fall back asleep so deeply it's like I've lost consciousness, and in fact, I've often debated whether or not I actually do. So that's annoying and been going on for a week or two I think. Usually not a good sign, it's happened in the past when I'm really not doing well, or on my way there.

Worse, usually even if I'm down in the dumps the night before, I wake up okay. I dunno, might it was that I had to answer a call from the doctor right after waking up, pushing me right into overdrive mode. No chiropractor after all this Friday, cancelled, it's a holiday. And I'd realized I had another missed call from them, the transcript of which I didn't understand, so I had to talk to that person too. Which reminds me, I have another phone call, another appointment to make, ugh. Oh, right I'd forgotten. Also an e-mail saying my Internet charge didn't go through, and not a penny more coming in...

So I was grumpy and trying to get ready without stressing out, debating whether to shower or not, that kind of thing. And then I called my Mom for something, she said something that struck a dissonant chord with me (something along the lines about examining what I may have done wrong to bring all this awful stuff on myself) and then I was just fuming, because even though it's totally irrational (unless little kids with cancer have done something wrong and are being punished for it too) of course I've asked myself things like that, more though, like, wondering if this is some kind of karmic payback, in which case there's not a thing I can do but live through this. Still, there's always the guilt, like, I should be able to fix this, I must not be trying hard enough...but you don't need to hear that ish from your own mother...

Anyhow, I was falling apart, feeling like imploding. Like, I'm emotionally, physically, and spiritually so tired, and I feel like I might snap, and where do I turn? But then it was time for my Physical Therapy Evaluation appointment and it was time to pretend to be sane again.

Which turned out to be a good plan. It was just around the corner, so close, and the Physical Therapist was just amazing.

This tiny little thing, cheery, not ridiculously so, but full of energy and on top of her game. Took an extremely thorough history, so much so I realized things I'd never put together before, also gave me some input on the severity of my back problems after looking over the new records/test results I brought with me, and best of all she was interested in the entire picture, not just my problem area, and came up with a plan to try and help with my general well being, not just strengthening my shoulders & stuff, although she wants to wait until I see my Neuro & Cardio docs to have them clear me for some of it. I hope she's not toooo overzealous though, she wants me to start cardio twice a week for 20 minutes...even though I told her I was barely managing 15 minutes and had been planning on re-starting at 10. Well, I will see...I think she's right, I need to do SOME exercise for my well-being. Not just my weight, which continues to go up, but my circulation, muscle tone, and sanity. So that was that...

Tomorrow, mammograph and ultrasound. Yup, they required I throw that first one in with the ultrasound, ick. I've always thought that whole procedure sounded barbaric, but oh well, just another indignity of the female human condition to endure. Besides, if I have cancer maybe I can finally convince the SSA I am sick! No, I'm just kidding, I'm sure I'll be fine. Besides, I feel my case is looking stronger every day...I think maybe something about me has changed, but these days, instead of feeling defensive when I go to the doctor, I find they believe me before I have a chance, they acknowledge that I'm pretty unwell & I've been blessed with a primary care provider that is on top of her game, and willing to do her best to help me, even if it means learning new things, and she even cared enough to suggest I get a cat! Ha! (For those of you that don't know, I had one for 15 years until December of last year, she got sick and passed away, and I'm actually allergic to cats as of a few years ago.) So she suggested a fish, lol. I actually think she's on to something. She convinced me to try doing washing 3 dishes every day, since that's been an issue that's frustrating me. Finally did it today, did 5 actually, lol. Flared my trapz again, badly, but I got to have soup and tea. I was feeling SO tired & stressed, like wired, uncomfortable, so I made some Kava tea, and the stuff is lovely...tastes chocolate-like and relaxes one.Totally got rid of the awful wired feeling. Yay for clean dishes! I so wanted to do more but something is something, right? What kind of fish should I get, any ideas?