Why is it...

That I'm still surprised that folding laundry totally wears me out? My feet hurt, my legs are sore, my back is sore, I'm sweaty and out of breath (thought that might be my allergies, since the cat is in here). I'm exhausted, and it seems so crazy.

I asked myself the same thing a couple of weeks ago after a trip to pick up some groceries. How is it that something so basic wears me out? And then, how is it that I'm still surprised!?

I don't know...Maybe I just thought since I got a lot sicker for awhile, and even being on my feet was exhausting, that when I got better it would be better. But that doesn't really make sense does it? Because it was challenging before, too.

Sometimes I wonder if in that jumble of cognitive dysfunction there's some kind of disruption in the learning process. (I say this because I seem to also have a much harder time getting anything out of talk therapy anymore...it's like i forget what I learn, so I can't apply it, whereas before it would all click and I could use it, apply it, for years.)

I've had FM/CFS for 7 years now; albeit I've had my ups and downs, but I can't seem to accept so many of my limitations, and I really think it's caused problems with adjusting to my new life... I've gotten better about some things. I use my handicapped placard. I even use GoCarts at the stores if I'm not feeling great. I've learned to ask for accommodations when I need them. (I went to a concert recently and was amazed when I investigated accommodations just how easy it was to get them and what was available, and felt so blessed that they made it easier for me to go and enjoy myself doing something I used to do in my pre-illness days.)

But I still feel guilty asking for help with a lot of things, I still have frequent barely subconscious wars about whether I am letting myself get lazy, or I should try harder. I grew up being a tomboy. I liked to play with the boys, did sports, like running, hiking, mountain biking...I always believed I could do anything a man could do. And now I feel like such a wimp! I can barely carry my own groceries, nevermind the laundry!

Anyone else experience these issues? How do you cope?

What a WEEK!

And thank goodness it's over! Even though I've been sick for several weeks now, this past week was the roughest yet. Antibiotics for my kidney infection weren't working, so I had to go get more. At that point, I was overheating, having hot flashes and cold sweats, and feeling nauseous. Somehow, I got myself to the doctor's and even got in a good mood. It was weird. I honestly think after spending so much time home in bed sick and not seeing anyone but my Dad, and briefly, my brain was just craving some human interaction like mad!

I guess that's part of why this whole "sicker than usual" spell has been so tough. Prior to it, I had at least 3 doctor's appointments a week. (No, I'm not some kind of crazy, it was physical therapy, or my allergist, or a therapist, lol. Just trying to treat as much as was treatable any way I could. Physical Therapy did wonders btw, I'll have to talk about that!) So, pathetic as it may sound, at least I got out and got to talk to real LIVE people at least a couple of times a week and feel like part of the world. I used to be okay with sitting at home alone, but it's just so great to be around people, get distracted, joke, laugh...But lately, I've had to give up on that. First because of financial issues, I had to cut back to bare minimum appointments, and of those, I ended up asking to be billed for most of the co-pays. I'm in such a hole!
Then, I've actually, without a doubt, been far too sick to do much. I kept trying, and trying to do stuff, because I'm stubborn, pig-headed, and that whole guilt thing, but after a few weeks of being sick...I could almost say it broke me a bit...but on the other hand, there was some of that whole "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" thing going on.

I just had to come to the realization that, okay, I'm really, really sick right now. Nothing else to do but face it, especially when it's so bad I was starting to avoid even checking my e-mail because being upright was making me feel so ill.

Ah, yes. Dysautonomia. My blood pressure was no lower than it has been since I started on the Beta Blocker, but I could tell it wasn't staying up. I was having headrushes galore, to the point where I was starting to get headaches again, and being upright, sitting at the computer was making me feel just plain ill. It's almost like this anxious feeling, it seems like it's hard to breathe, the muscles in my upper body get completely tensed up, and I just feel sick. And an overwhelming urge to lie down.
It got to the point where I was getting all shaky, like a few weeks back, so I decided I'd better listen and keep lying down, cuz that stuff unnerves me.

PLUS, the UTI was getting so bad, my back was killing me, all the way around actually, and my stomach was swollen enough so it looked like I was pregnant, though I was hardly eating. (Eating made the pain worse, kidney infections seem to screw up one's digestion; at least with me they do...)

I started to get better after a day or so of antibiotics, but then the Dysauntomia flared back up, complete with a resting heartrate of 130. It was so bad I felt out of breath, like I'd been running. I figured, I've gone up to 150 on the eliptical trainer before (back when I was well enough to do that for 20 minutes or so) and there's a hospital less than a mile away, so if it got worse than that, I'd go.
(I think it may have partly been because I ran out of my Beta Blocker the night before, plus, in retrospect, I now see that infections always trigger the Dysautonomia symptoms.)

So all that was fun. I medicated myself any way I could. I had some Celtic Sea Salt, extra pouches of Emergen-C, and vitamins/supplements galore.

I've come (back) to an old conclusion. I need to help my adrenals. Yes, I may have chronic enterovirus infections, but they don't usually make me this sick. And in the past week, I've had different types of infections...so I knew it was my immune system that was having issues. Plus, the Dysauntomia always gets better when I treat my adrenals. I've had a couple of different holistic doctors tell me I was having adrenal troubles, and I KNOW one supplement for them that was key in getting me out of a Dysautonomia flare that was the worse ever (after my last "real" job).

So even if the virus is the cause of everything, treating my obviously exhausted adrenals SHOULD help right? Adrenals regulate your immune system, your digestion, blood sugar, BLOOD PRESSURE, electrolytes, stress response...all of which I've been having trouble with...I am happy to report, that I was pleasantly surprised to find that w/the purchase of some Whey Protein and a box of Emergen-C, I actually have many of the supplements that can help support my adrenals already! (At least for a couple more days...)

So I'm going to work on that, but most of all, just relaxing and accepting that I need to rest, and it's ok to be lazy. Sheesh, that Catholic guilt really does NEVER leave you! Hoping to start some chair yoga tomorrow. Must find my Zen, wherever or however my life is destined to be...